Diary of a Groupie
by MagentaQuinn
Summary: What if Columbia Campbell, our favorite little pink haired groupie, didn't really die at the end of the Rocky Horror Picture Show? What if, that late, November evening, she knew exactly what was going on, what was happening, right before she got shot?
1. Cast List

A/N This is my cast list, if you don't like spoilers, don't read it. That's really all I can say... I would like to disclose that I mention a lot of things in this, and out of all of the references, I own none. You might need to be familiar with some Beatles songs, but you don't have to be. Even though they are the only people worth listening to. But not to most people. Sadly. I want to add something though. Something to make you ponder... I watched the Yellow Submarine movie for the first time in a long time, and found something. I wrote it into the chapter I was working on last night, but here it is, fresh and new: **Sixty-four years is 33,661,440 minutes, and one minute is a long time. **

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Columbia Campbell - The narrator, an ex-groupie, has short reddish pink hair, can dance, is short height wise. She has had sexual relationships with men and women, and a transvestite. Will strip for a dime.

Laura White - Columbia's fake name.

Laura Campbell - Another fake name of hers.

Magenta Vitus - A close friend of Columbia, has long, frizzy reddish magenta hair, sparkling green eyes, is pretty tall. Has only had sexual relations with her brother, Columbia, and has been raped by Frank. Is self conscious about her accent.

Riff Raff Vitus - Brother of Magenta, has long, blonde hair, but is balding, has blue eyes, is tall. Has had sexual relations with no one at all, but his sister. He may be one of the smartest people in the galaxy of Transylvania.

Nation McKinley - The McKinley's are the Vitus's first cousins, Nation has tight, curly hair, emerald eyes, is about as tall as Magenta. Has only had sexual relations with her brother, and a drunk one night stand with Nell. Could be a twin of Magenta.

Cosmo McKinley - Nation's brother, he is bald, and has blue eyes, is the same height as Riff. Has had sexual relations with his sister, and Bert Schnick, who raped him. Like Nation, he could be a twin of Riff Raff.

Nell Ansalong - If Columbia grew her hair out, she could be a sure fire clone, has a long, brunette ponytail almost always, is pretty short. Has had sexual relations with Ricky and Nation. Is Columbia's cousin.

'Rest Home' Ricky - A tall brunette. Has had sexual relations with Nell. Enjoys being with Nell, was sad when she had to leave.

Janet Weiss/Majors - The heroine, has honey blonde hair, enjoys intercourse. Has had sexual relations with men, and transexuals, an ex-prostitute.

Brad Majors - Suffered a mental breakdown. Had sexual relations with men, women, and transvestites.

Sonny - One of Janet's first friends on Transexual, suffered a horrible misscarrage, has bright purple hair, but it changes often.

Sonny Weiss/Furter/Ammbo - Janet's bastard child of the late Frank Furter, he is birthed soon after this fiction ends.

Scarlet McKinley - After Nation figured out she could not have a child, Columbia volunteered to be a surrogate, and Scarlet was the outcome.

Patricia Vitus - A twin of Pacifica Vitus, looks like her mother.

Pacifica Vitus - A twin of Patricia Vitus, looks like her father.

Sophia 'Sophie' Campbell - Servant of Columbia.


	2. Chapter 1

I've been staring at this page for hours. It's still blank. The least I can do is write the credits. These characters have come from the brilliant mind of Richard O'Brien. My only true stress relief. If you speak to anyone I have spoken to, they will know about my rather... Unhealthy obsession. Ritz is my hero. I have dreams about meeting him. I know he is an idol, at least, because, if I don't have nightmares, that's what I dream about. My friends and I often make up stories to amuse each other, and we have a point system.

Its ten points for each reference of something. (A quote, a song, a name.)  
Fifteen points every misspelling.  
Fifteen points for every plot hole. (One chapter says someone has finished something, the next says they're still working on it.)  
Five points for every new life.  
Five points for every death.  
Ten points for any ages messed up.  
Ten points if someone talks on and on in an author's note, or asks a question.  
Ten points extra to anyone of these if you put it in this format. Let's just say we are going in the reference category. (The Beatles, Musical Artist, Columbia Campbell, Abbey Road is what most people remember them by, as it has been parodied many times.) It's a simple format really. Just who or what it is, what they or it are, who said it, and a trivial fact. Easy.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Dear Diary,

I can vaguely recall the last words before I was "hit" by the ray. You bitch. Those two words, they hit hard. Those, last words, they didn't even affect him. This cruel test, on which the life of him and his creation was going to be decided, he failed horribly. Soon, Brad, Janet and Dr. Scott will leave this castle, and we will take off to the home planet of my best friends, Magenta and Riff Raff. Well, Genta is my best friend, I don't think Riff likes me. As a mortal, I cannot be killed by the ray, at worst I could be knocked unconscious. None of these happened this time, which is strange, because the first time Riff and I practiced, I was knocked into the wall.

"You know, you can get up now." I didn't know if he was talking to me, so I took shallow breaths. This stopped when Magenta trotted over to me, nearly tripping on the wire that I stumbled over too.

"Collie. Wake up." She shook me, and I slowly opened my eyes. "Columbia!" She had me in almost a choke hold, she was embracing me so tight.

"I believe that's enough, she has just been struck by a laser." He chuckled.

"Yes, and why was I never told about this? She's like a sister to me!"

"We both thought it would be better if we could surprise you. We're very sorry if we hurt you." He looked genuinely sad.

"Well I don't know about you guys, but I am really fucking tired, Genta, I'm heading up to our room."

They nodded and as I turned, I realized I was still In the garb of the "floorshow," and groaned, peeling off the gloves and tossing them behind me, paying no attention where they land. As I make made way up the lift, I passed the lab, and still feel a part of me is missing. Not as much as I should. I can only feel for Eddie, not as much Frank. I make my way to the hall where Genta and I share a room, I crash on one of the chairs. I have no idea what time of day it is, but I can hear noises of love making coming from the room beside me, Riff Raff's room. Great. I may of been shocked at first, a pair of sibling lovers, until I was explained that on Transexual, their home planet, this is a rather usual occurrence. Frowned upon, yes, but usual.

I can't even take my corset off, I'm so tired. I did make my way to my bed, and I grabbed you. That's really all I have to say. Now, I have to go, Genta is yelling at me to go to bed.

-Columbia

A/N This is not going to be daily, but random entries. Like the Anne Frank diary. Except this is Columbia... So it should be fun. And I don't know if any of you are Redditors, but... First comic... Not really. But, this was really just a sneak peek. Can you get downvoted on this site? And one more thing. I like things neat, clean cut, and precise, so I space it like I do. I'm a little weird about that.


	3. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Today was better then I thought it would be. I was a little bummed out when I took a shower and could not get... Whose make-up was it? Brads? Anyway, I couldn t get their makeup of the top of my boobs. But, I couldn't let that ruin my day, even though it still looks like I have two big, red hickeys on my tits. It must of been Brad. He was the only other one with red eyes. I could get it off my face though. I don't understand at all.

I finally made my way downstairs, and Genta smirked because I didn't put on real clothes, just my PJs.

"How are you, honey?" She said as she walked by and but some toast and orange juice in front of me. I plopped my head down as answer. Genta, at the stove now, trotted over to me. "No, no! Keep your head up! It's three o'clock! You slept nine hours!"

"Good! I can sleep the pain away!"

"How about we sing something? Or dance?" I could tell she was desperate, by the tone of her voice.

"Magentah! Goh awahay!"

"That's it. Riff!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Well, not at the top, his room is next to mine. Wink wink, diary.

Before I knew it, I was whisked away, up to our room. When I was set down on my bed, and I just started sobbing.

"Do... Don't cry. Genta will be up with some chicken noodle soup soon." I could hear the awkward just... Radiating off him. He was patting my shoulder, not even like a real person. Now I know why everytime Magenta cries, he sends her to me.

When Genta came up, I had stopped crying as much. "Genta. Genta! Come... Come sit down."

"Well I have your tray a-"

**"I don't fucking care! Sit!"**

"Oh-okay." She laid down beside me, and started stroking my hair. I put my head in her lap, and she stiffened.

"Come on." I said, almost being able to feel her blush. "Did you forget about the night before last? Member?" The heat was radiating from her cheeks. She is usually so strong. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"You seem so... weak since you guys killed Frank. Just like if we were kids. You are more nurturing, and your blushing."

"Well I think it changed me in a s-"

"Sing to me." This was the second time I interrupted her in one conversation, diary.

"What?"

"You heard me. Sing. Now."

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Something... Slow. Like a lullaby." She hesitated. "You don't know any do you? 'Kay. How about something by the Beatles." I knew they were the only group on Earth that she thought had any talent, even though they are so different from the music from Genta and Riff's home.

"Okay..." I could almost feel her smile. "When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now. Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? You'll be older too, ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you. I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone. You can knit a sweater by the fireside, Sunday mornings, go for a ride. Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? Every summer we can rent cottage in the Isle of Wight if it's not to, dear. We shall scrimp and save. Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave." I giggled. She sounded so funny in her accent. "Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view. Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away. Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more. Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? Woah!" She hummed the last part.

"I love you."

"I- I love you too."

"In a friendly way?"

"Yes. What- what about you?"

"What ever you think, Genta. Night-night." About the middle of the night, Riff came in and said something to Genta. I think he said something about Tranyslvanya, Translyvania, Transl-however-the-hell-you-spell-it. I'm running out of erasers. And pencil lead, that is. So, I guess I should try to go back to sleep. But, I think I will be keeping you up you up to date.

-Collie (This is how I shall sign my name now)

A/N I own nothing. But that would be so cool if I did... Today's thought. You can only pick two.

A job that's fun.

A job that pays good.

A job that's legal.


	4. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

We have almost landed on... The planet that I still can't spell, and I still can't really get out of bed. When I do, I start to cry and return to the warm spot that I have made. I did have to pee, and I checked my tits, and the stains were off, so, that was most likely the highlight of my day.

"Genta! Genta! I'm so lonely! Genta!"

"You know, I think we should get you a pet." We were like we were last night, with my head in her lap.

"A pet?"

"Something to keep you company."

"I'm not that lonely, Genta."

"Genta! Genta! I'm lonely!' Does that not sound a little familiar?" The monitor was blinking, Riff was calling.

"We will be landing soon, and Nation and Cosmo are here again."

"Really? Did they bring that girl... Ansalong?"

I know that name... But Genta won't tell me.

When we landed, we were greated by the McKinleys. I think that's how you spell it.

The girl, Nation, spoke first. "They know you killed the king. You packed the bags as we told you, correct?" Genta and Riff nodded. "Chances are, you will be able to take the ship back, but our house has a sonic transducer to spare. Go, get the bags." Me, still in my PJS felt awkward. Nation turned to me. "Hello, Columbia" I nodded. "Good to meet you. I'm Nation, and this is my..." She hesitated "Brother, Cosmo."

"Oh, are you guys... Together? Like them?"

"Yes. We... Are." She looked at Cosmo, lovingly. "Please keep it down low. We don't want people knowing. They... Don't take kindly."

"I think it's adorable." Hoping to be reassuring, I _think_ I succeeded. "So is it just you guys?"

"No. It's us, and a close friend and colleague, Nell. She's packing our belongings in case we get..."

"Raided." Cosmo finished her sentence.

"Yes." She looked down.

I like talking to you, diary. It's like, a friend I can open up to. Finally... Talk you know? It's weird. And, its not like I could tell Genta that the makeup came off my tits. But I can tell you. Of course, If you've been reading these, NOT FUNNY! Oh you know I love you and would sleep with you in a heartbeat. Wink wink. That one was for Riff. Or was it? Sure Riffy... Tell yourself that.

As we were teleporting, and that was awesome, by the way, back to their house, I felt lonely. Nation and Cosmo, Genta and Riffy, Collie and both of her dead lovers. We need to start calling Nation and Cosmo something... Nattie and... Mac. That's lame. Shit. We got back to the house, and the girl who I imagine was Nell, was waiting outside.

"Ansalong!" Ansalong shushed her and held a bundle up.

"My god. You took a baby." Cosmo smiled at her, satisfied by his comment.

"Oh hush up. This is my niece. I'm babysitting, but I think I might take her. She's so cherubic." With this being said, Nation walked over and started cooing.

Cosmo leaned to Riff. "The girls in this house have been baby crazy of late."

"We can hear you," Nation said in an almost sotto voice.

"But you still want a baby, correct?"

"Damn right. OH! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to curse!"

"It's okay. I have to take care of her, because her parents are divorcing. Rebecca here was a mistake, but she's one mistake I would make."

"Aww... Cosmo! I want a baby!"

"No. Let's get inside, I'm sure all of Transylvania can hear her."

"Then don't let Magenta and Riff Raff share a room." Riff chuckled with everyone else as Genta pressed her heel on my foot, blushing furiously.

"Well, they might have to. We have one guest room, and a pullout couch. It, unfortunately, squeaks, so they will need to have the bedroom."

"I'll sleep on the floor." Nell spoke up, now letting the baby suckle on a bottle.

"Okay! I get the pullout couch!" So here I am, on the couch, Nell and I were trying to talk, but they told us to shut up, so we are going to write each other on the next page.

-Collie

A/N I own nothing.


	5. Chapter 4

Hey

Hey why did they tell us to shut up?

Cause their asses

What about their asses?

Oh shut up.

We're just like school girls, passing notes hoping the teacher doesn't find out.

I feel like i know you

Are you high or something?

Maybe! Is that your maiden name?

Yeah

Are you from Earth

Yeah, they really just picked me up basically.

are you related to Gabriel and Elizabeth Ansalong?

Yeah..? How do you know that?

oh my god i do know you

?

you're my cousin! ummmm do you remember collie who flew out sometimes?

That was you?

yeah!

You had different hair.

you know...

What?

since were family... we can go and try incest.

Nooooo... It's nice to know I have options, but the correct term is we're, hon.

can't hurt a bitch to try.

Your writing is so big.

Well urs is small

Truce?

truce

So you wanna fuck?

yep

Well I don't wanna but shit... They are...

which one?

I think both.

Well, I can make out Genta.

And I think that's Cosmo.

...COSMO?

I know right. It surprised me too.

i mean if we tried it it wouldn't be that bad, not like bro and sis.

COLUMBIA! STOP ON THAT!

i haven't had action in like... a week!

I'm a virgin. That's 17 years.

and you dont wanna loose it to your cousin?

No. How about this, I've been dating this guy, and if I taste the forbidden fruits with him, I'll make out with you.

well invite him over!

Not now! He's on earth!

shit.

Love you?

love you.

But as a friend right?

please... Practicly family

That doesn't convince me... Can you hear them?


	6. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Today may of been the best day of my life. Well, not the best, but it was one hell of an entertaining day.

I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out a bed... No. I'm sorry. I'm dying laughing and Nellie is looking at me weird... That s what I'm calling Ansalong now, Nellie. Anyway this morning, I woke up with a camera pointed at me, first thing. By the time I had realized what was going on, the flashbulb went off, scaring Nellie. Before I knew it, she had popped up and jerked the covers off, revealing me topless. But Collie! Why was she on your bed? Well, that s a good question that I'm not sure of myself. But, she was on the foot of the bed curled up like a dog, which is was they were taking a photo of. But, they got some good pictures of me without my top on, so they are very, very lucky.

"You know its not my fault I sleep in the nude." I was wearing a floral pattern frock, with one of the straps cut off.

"But... when did you change?"

"Well, after the screaming stopped, and Nellie went to sleep, I, umm... disabled."

"Did you always sleep in the nude?" Genta tried to ask nonchalantly, but there was fear in her tone.

"For a while now. Since before I moved in the castle."

"What! How come I didn't know this? !"

"I don't know. I mean I usually waited till you were asleep when you were in the room at all. I mean, it's not like I would wait until you were trying to sleep, then blind you by my beauty." I pulled off a pose and Nattie laughed.

"What s the appeal of sleeping in the nude?" Nattie looked at Mac and smirked.

"Well, if the sheets are soft, it's like you re still in the womb." A smiled at her and hoped she would change the subject.

"I want a baby! Please!" It worked. "Please? Lets go try right now!" All of us except Mac and Nattie were smiling and looking away. You know what? His name is Cosmo again. Mac is annoying.

We were snapped back to reality when Rebecca started whining. Nation almost shoved Nellie out of the way to get to Rebecca. "I'll get her!" Nattie screamed as she ran over.

"I tell you, I have no idea what s going on, why she wants a baby so much." We all started crowding around Cosmo, except Nattie, who was over there, snuggling the baby. "I mean, she's gone mad," he said through a forced smile.

"I used to be like that," Magenta replied. "But I got over it by having a little shit I was babysitting piss in my mouth."

His eyes got wide, wider than I ever thought they could get, since his glasses are huge. "We-well I'm sure that was not his fault, he's so youn-"

"Let me stop you right there. He was six. He woke me up at midnight, just to piss in my face. To this day I don't know why." Nellie and I were stifling back a laugh, while Riff was stroking her hair. "But that doesn't change the way I feel about them. In fact..." And now we are (mostly) up-to date. Too bad for you. I just ran and grabbed my journal... So I'm about halfway through the day... And I don't want to take another page up... So I'll continue. "I kind of want a baby myself."

"What?"

"Aww," I started, "Genta would make a great mommy."

"Thanks Coco." After this part of the conversation, Genta hearded the girls into her room, whispering something to Riff like "We re going to talk some sense into Nation." After we were in the room, we made a semi-circle around Genta. "You may the people I trust the most. And Nell. I just met you, don't get all defencive."

"So, what s up?"

"I'm late." Genta put her head down on the pillows.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I mean, I don't have a test, but I am almost sure there is someone inside me."

"What?" We all almost forgot Nellie was there.

"She s almost as bad as Janet, isn't she Coco?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Creature of the night, staring the Virgin Slut." She then laughed like she did... Not too many nights ago.

"Not after about an hour!" Nation and Ansalong were looking so confused... Hilarious.

"Just ignore us. So. Do you want one of us to run and get the test?"

"No need. We have plenty. Nell?"

Nellie groaned and walked out, and came back later with a bag. It was full of tests. "Go piss on one of these. You should get a result back. Wait... How far along do you think you are?"

"I don't know, four or five?"

"Well you should be good." Nation popped up, almost instantly.

"Really?"

"Yes. Go. Now."

And the next ten minutes were agonizing. So, I'm writing you now.


	7. Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

Magenta's a mommy to be. Nattie and I want babies. Nellie can just take her brother's. So, I'm the godmother. Thats it. I will take the goddamn baby. I might have to share with Nattie, but I don't really care.

"So, one of us here is a mommy. Guess which one." All the girls had a test behind their back, but that's fine since she had a million, and were approaching the boys. They both looked so scared.

We then proceeded to put the tests on the counter, there were three negative, and one positive. Genta was looking at hers. Not Riff. He noticed, and looked there too, and he gasped. He walked behind her, and put his arms around her. "Is that one yours?" He whispered in her ear, so quiet that if I wasn't right beside her, I couldn't hear. She nodded, then let out a tiny gasp as he gently put his hands to her stomach. We all just sat down smiling, it was like they were in their own little world, swaying to a silent beat.

After reality came back, Riff started to freak. "You know, we are on the run! I guess we forgot, huh... Should we go back to Earth, deliver the baby there?"

"I... That would be the best choice."

"Well," I chimed in, "We should get the fake passports, and changes of clothes."

"Passports?"

"My god. How long were you on Earth with..." I struggled with the name. "Frank."

Nattie patted me on the back, not even knowing what I had been through.

"What, four years, five? But only two or three before you found us, and our life wouldn't be the same without you."

"I'd say. We wouldn't be on the run, if it wasn't for me."

"Now, that's not necessarily true. We would still be here with them. Have I told you how we met?"

"God, Magenta please." Nation rang, in her English sounding voice. Not adhering to the rhythm of their planet, I suppose.

''No, I'm sure they would love to hear this. Both of our families, being fairly close to royalty, had arranged marriages. Well, Nation and Cosmo had two mums. Lesbians, Nellie." We glanced over and she was still confused. "Well, we were going to be the queen and... queen I suppose of planet bisexual-"

"Please, just - stop there. I'll continue. Nation and Magenta were good friends, they were always going over to Nation's house. And where Magenta went, I did too. Well, Magenta told Nation she had a crush on me, and Cosmo came out to Nation, Genta came out to me, we came out to our parents, and Frank, because I had already gone to my mentor. It was horrible." Riff had spoken up.

"But oh-so worth it." Both couples started making out, then Nellie opened her arms, and I hugged her.

"So. So. _So. SO!_" I bumped in, and they looked annoyed. "Lets play a game. Never have I ever?"


	8. Chapter 7

Dear Diary,

We played never have I ever first as a drinking game. I imagine I will have to let Genta write after a couple of times.

I drew first. "Never have I ever slept with a random stranger. Shit." I chugged a beer.

Then Nellies. "Never have I ever got wine up my... vagj? Who would do that!" I had to chug another.

Cosmo... "Met my soulmate." Him, Nattie and Riff chugged one.

Nattie. "Never have I ever fucked a midget..."

"Shit!" I chugged another one. Everyone started staring. "What?"

Riffy's... "Known all the lyrics to devil went down to Georgia? Prove it."

"Fuck. Do I have to?"

"If you know it." We all turned to Genta.

"Not all of it..." She glared at me. "Genta, write the words down in my diary.. I can't do it anyway."

So... I guess I will write what they say down.

"The Devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal. He was in a bind 'cause he was behind, nanana willin' to make a deal. When he came across this young man, sawin' on a fiddle and somthin' it hot. And the Devil jumped up on a hickory stump, and said, 'boy, let me tell you what.' I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you care to take a dare, I'll just make a bet with you" Columbia replaced some of the words, I guess she didn't know them. "Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the Devil his due. I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cause I think I'm better than you. The boy said, My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin, but I'll take your' bet, you're gonna regret. Cause I'm the best there's ever been. Johnny you rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard, 'cause hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards. And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold, But if you lose the Devil gets your soul. The Devil opened up his case, and he said, I'll start this show. And fire flew from his fingertips, as he rosined up his bow. And then he pulled the bow across the strings, and it made an evil hiss. And a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this." She hummed and instrumental part. "When the Devil finished, Johnny said, well you're pretty good old son. But just sit down in that nah nah nahn. Let me show you how it's done" She hummed what was supposed to be a fiddle part, and it was pretty good. "Chicken on the mountain-"

"Chicken?" Cosmo looked at her. "I have never heard this song before and I know thats not it."

"Yes. That's the lyric. Now, chicken on the mountain, run boys, run. The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun, chicken in the bread pan pickin' at dough. Granny does your dog bite? No child, no. The Devil bowed his head, because he knew that he'd been beat, and he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet. Johnny said, Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna try again, I done told you once you son of a bitch" We all started laughing at this point, at the way she said it. "I'm the best there's ever been. He played, 'Chicken on the Mountain', run boys, run. The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun, Chicken in the bread pan pickin' at dough. Granny does your dog bite? No child, no." She sang the last note slowly, and Cosmo was right. And that is the only time I will admit that, so listen. I don't think any of us Transylvanians have heard that song. And wasn't this supposed to be country music or what was that other type... Green...Grass? She sounded more.. upbeat. Like.. Pop.

"Aww.. I wanna play, this seems fun!" I broke through the laughter.

"Well, we can play the truth or dare version," Collie said, hardly slurring. It's a wonder how she does it. Of course, all those years of being a groupie could've payed off.


	9. Chapter 8

Dear Diary,

Well, this is Collie's diary, but she won't mind. She still wants me to keep it for her.

"Yay! My turn. Never have I ever had twenty one shots on my twenty first birthday. Nell?" I looked over at her.

"I assume you will be the one performing the dare?" I looked around, and everyone nodded. "When did you turn twenty one?"

"I'm sixteen, even though you can drink from the time you re like, two."

"Actually, you can drink once you are twenty one, just like the US on Earth."

"So, we dare you to." Collie got up to get the things.

"So, is that really why we hadn't known your birthday? We are offended, right Cosmo?" She started kissing them, even they had had a few drinks. It seems that Collie only put the ones involving her into here, so it would seem she did them all.

"So, we dare you to have the twenty one shots, or you can skip this dare, but if you do, another player can deflect there dare to you, or, you can french anyone in this circle. Take your pick."

"Umm. Deflect the dare. Next."

"Me! Collie screached, and we had to remind her we were in hiding. "Never have I ever been proposed to or proposed to someone...Anyone? When I had that pregnancy scare, that bartender proposed to me. Anyone else?" She looked at Riffy, and winked.

"Nell?" Nation and Mac were married. I don't see why Collie thinks thats annoying. I like it. The skinny, hyperactive man that wears too-tight clothes.

"When I got out of high-school, I was proposed to by my sweetheart, only to have him cheat on me a month before the wedding... So, no. For once."

"Well, I guess its just us Riffy." He squeezed my hand.

"Not for long." He got up, and sat in front of me. "I've known you for a long time. Hell, almost since the day you were born." Well, he got an eye roll out of me and a chuckle out of them. "So, I have had a long time to have gotten to know you. I remember you going through all of the phases, from pink teddy bears, to your favorite bands on the walls, and finally sketches of models, clothes, animals, covering the walls. What stood out most to Columbia, and this is partly to do with her." I glanced up, and she was practically jumping up and down in her chair. "Was a whole section, just on wedding items. Not just dresses, but suits, centerpieces, rings, even the cutlery. I would've never gotten married with Frank still breathing, I just couldn't. So, now that we are temporarily safe, Magenta Vitus, The love of my life," He slipped of the chair and put his hand in his coat pocket. "Would you be my wife?"

It's Collie again. Genta fainted. And I can write, I gave everyone lemon tea, explaining how to act drunk, after Riff had told us all what he planned to happen.


	10. Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

Well, we got Genta up. After had to get her to the hospital, because Cosmo and Nattie had been through medical school, and they said to get her there fast.

Almost as soon as she was revived, they remembered who they were and they were taken into imprisonment. We, did not kill the heir from the throne, so we were spared. However, this was "going on our record." Like when I was smoking in the bathroom. In high school, diary. We were sentenced back to the house, but they said that Genta and Riff would return.

It was so boring without them. Its was the first night in years that I had not at least known they were in the same lot as me. It bothered all of us. About a month later, they came home. Genta was wearing a tight frock, so you could see the smallest bump, but that didn't stop me from bursting out of my 'bed' as soon as a saw a wisp of her hair.

"Oh!" As soon as she exclaimed everyone was peering through the doors, and when they saw her, they ran too.

"I feel loved..." I ran over to Riff and kissed him on the cheek and threw my arms around his neck.

"Genta... Help me..." He whispered and we laughed. "Well, we need to go." Genta looked at the floor, and a tear rolled down her face, but I know I could always ask later. "Go pack. We leave in an an hour. Now." He shoved us, but I didn't have anything to pack, so I put the bed back into the couch. I sat down, just as Genta burst through the door.

"Not for very much longer dear, now lets get to the shuttle. I'll explain there. Come"

After we were to the ship, I was sentenced off to our quarters with Genta, with no one bothering us. It was... Similar to our old room. Mostly.

"We... Have to.. have to take over the Earth. Dictate, if you will." She had started speaking as soon as I shut and locked the door. She could scream, this was one of the Queens shuttles, it's soundproof.

"Why?"

"I've told you." She all but hissed at me. "We have royal blood. Franks dead, she doesn't like De Lordy, Riffy and I are the only heirs. If we succeed, and she's healthy, we get the throne."

"She?" I smiled at her.

"Actually, they. Patricia, and someone else. I don't know. We haven't thought about that name yet. They're both girls." Then, like the night after Frank was killed, it was her who was in my lap. She was sobbing. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"As more than friends?"

"Yes." I sighed. "I do. I always have. The day I saw you with Riff, my heart dropped. I said it was love, it doesn't matter who with. I does. I needs to be with me. But the way you look at him, I know it can't be with me."

"I will always love my Riffy. But I love you too. Do I have to choose?"

"Not tonight. Get some rest." Before I knew it, she had stuck her tounge in my mouth. I couldn t resist. "I'm so glad he didn't kill you. No really. You were my only friend. Except Riff and my dogs, you were all I had. My only friend that I could open up to. My girl friend." She yawned. "I mean... It's like you were the only-" I put my finger to her lips and kissed her forehead.

"Shh. Be quiet. Go to bed."

"No. Sing me a song. But not a real one. Make one up."

"Okay. Let me think. What about that song you always sing? Could I sing a reprise?"

She yawned again. "Sure."

"Science Fiction, Double Feature. Frank has built and... Lost his creature. Darkness has conquered... Brad and Janet. The servants gone to... A distant planet. Oh ho, wo oh ha ho. To the late night, Double Feature, Picture Show." I smiled, satisfied, as she curled up against my breast. Later, when she had rolled off of me, I unlocked the door and slipped to the control room. Riff was sitting there, with his head in his hands. "Hey stranger." He sat up startled, sighed, and pulled out a chair.

"How is she?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course. Why? What s wrong?"

"She is having trouble deciding between me and you. Sexualy. She loves you, and I know she does, I can see it in her eyes. I know you return it, you light up as soon as you see her." He blushed "But... she kissed me. She said she loved me, but I think it is just the pain of losing something dear to her. Transexual darling, she's missing it. She also said I was her only friend besides you and her animals... Is that true?"

"While we were in the palace? Yes." He answered before I could. "She wasn't social. If you hadn't showed up at the palace, who knows where she could be. Hell, she might even be dead. You helped her through so many problems. She had threatened suicide, so so _so_, many times. And when you came, brought her magazines for her to sketch out drawings, comforted her, you were the only one there besides me, and even I couldn't help her with somethings. You were like a goddess."

"Thank you." He laid his head down and I picked this out of my bag in the corner. I should go to sleep too. I am next to Genta now, finishing this.

-Collie


	11. Chapter 10

Dear Diary,

Magenta's stomach is now the size of a basket ball,and the baby names are Patricia and Pacifica. Nellie thought of that one. Genta loved it, and so its hers. She is about twenty-seven weeks now, and we have been on Earth for a little over a month. We arrived in Denton after about two weeks on the shuttle, but we had food for months. If only we were allowed to transport, we could be there in a day. Or less. Anyway, Magenta picked Riff, after she had gone through the period where she was madly in love with me, to the point where she had practically raped me. We broke up after about a month, and Riff, the whole time, was cool with it. They were engaged the whole time time, but he was fine. He said what I said to them when I found them out. "It's love. It doesn't matter who or what with. Love is blind. And deaf. As long as it's love." It still rings true.

I have gotten to be around the set of Dentonvale, which is the television series that Nattie, Cosmo, and Nellie work on. I have also gotten to fancy the owner, Farley Flavors, he is the most handsome man I have ever seen. We live in the apartment building beside the studio, because Nellie and them live in the studio. They have their own quarters, "Near the patients, but not too close," Is how Cosmo described it. Nellie just said, "I got the room farthest away from Mac and Nation. You know why." Yes, I do. It's like they are related so much closer, the way they scream.

"Hello Mister Flavors." I said, walking into the break room. I have a small internship here, mostly with paperwork on Marriage Maze.

"Columbia!" He said, getting up. "Please, call me Farley."

"Okay, Farley." I smiled from ear to ear, causing him to smile back and lead me to a chair.

"So, how are you?"

"Tired. Overloaded." Then remembering he's the boss, I stopped.

He furrowed his eyebrows for a second, then stopped and smiled. "You know, we still need an assistant wardrobe mistress. Would you like to... Give it a try?"

I looked him up and down to see if he was serious, but he didn't budge. "I would love to."

"Excellent." He kissed my hand, and I giggled like an idiot. "You have the most charming laugh." He caressed my cheek as Nattie walked in the room, smirked, and walked over to the refrigerator. "Nation. How are the patients?" He asked, letting go of my hand, not really caring about the answer.

"Well," She could tell that he didn't care, so she played with him a little. "That lady who thinks she is a goat? She started eating the bedspread, started choking, so we had to move her to the terminal ward. There is only one left."

"Good keep that one open. We have a new patient. Brad Majors." I let in a silent gasp as Nattie froze, we had told her about the "Denton Affair".

"Really? When will he be arriving?" She said through gritted teeth.

"In about twenty. I have got to get up to the control booth. See you later, darling." He kissed my cheek.

After he was gone, I walked over to Nattie, who was shaking as bad as I was. "I- I'm the wardrobe miss-mistress."

"Good. I'll... I'll get back to our office, warn Cosmo."

"Yeah.. That's- that's goo..." I just couldn't finish. I left, halfway sprinting to the wardrobe room. I was approached by the old assistant, which was about to retire.

My job is easy. I have no idea what it is like anywhere else, but here, we just deliver the clothes and help with the beauty arrangements. Make-up, nails, alterations. You get it. My first job was deliver the clothes for the opening sequence, and to help with someone named Macy's make-up.

When I got up to her dressing room, I saw her. She was a bleach blonde, which I don't think she was born as, in a white silk robe, spraying her hair with hair spray. She stood up as she saw me. "Hello. You must the the new wardrobe lady. I'm Macy Struthers. You are...?"

"Laura." I said using my fake name that they thought would be a better screen name. Only Nattie, Nellie, Cosmo, Genta, Riff know my name is Columbia. Oh! And Farley. "Laura... White." Thinking up a surname that popped off the top of my head.

"Well, hello Laura. And what an awkward first meeting, you having to see me nude." She smiled a cheesy smile, and I knew she was a phoney.

"Lets just get you in costume." Her outfit was simple. A reddish, pink jacket, a white pleated dress, an ascot type thing, and red heels. It was clear, from when she disrobed, she was proud of her body. I don't see why.

After my day was over, I went to the apartment beside mine, which was Genta's. Riff was at his job, he leaves at noon, his shift ends at eight. He works in some accountant building or something. Genta was in a knee high, one shoulder, red dress, at the stove. That was one thing, that she really loved doing. The others were playing with animals, drawing, and Riff. Yes, I said doing Riff. There was one thing she cooked, mainly. Some Transylvanian dish similar to chicken alfredo. She just craves it nonstop.

I knocked on the door. "It's open, come in!" Genta rang before I opened it. I came in, and collapsed on the couch. Genta trotted over to me, just like the morning after Frank died. "What's wrong?"

"I'm the wardrobe mistress. And Brad Majors is the newest patent."

"Well, the wardrobe part is good. Oh!" She reached down as I think a saw a tiny handprint. It may of been my imagination, though. "You know what?"

"What?" I looked up, and I regret I did. Her eyes were full of fear. She must of saw me, because they lightened up.

"We should have a girls night out. Just you, me, Nattie and Nell."

"Can we invite some of the girls from onset? I've made some good friends in the week I've been there."

"I don't see why not. I'll go ring them, you go over and get some Pjs picked out. And not those old ones with holes in them." She didn't say it, but I know why she didn't want me in those.

When I got back to my apartment, I got out a lace nightie, and a bright pink set of undergarments. I knew we always went to a sauna on a girls night, so I didn't bother putting them on. I did wax everything, just in case. Genta got over, and said Nattie, Nellie, Neely, and Macy were coming over. Her name is so weird. It sticks out. Anyway, once they were over with PJs for themselves, we got to the spa. We only got the sauna, because the massages are horrible from what we remember. But, since Genta can't go in the steam room, she got a maternity massage or some aromatherapy shit. "Healthy Baby" my ass.

We all got white, fluffy robes and were lead in by me. I gave the girl in front a twenty, because she knows what my favorite room is. It's private, so no one can enter while you're chilling. After we got home after about roughly two hours eating dinner after the spa, we came back to the room, then Macy had the guts to suggest we play strip poker. So, I said we didn't have any cards, but had monopoly. And the games began. Genta was the banker, the rest of us fell in.

"Get the rules? Lets play!" After about thirty minutes, Macy and I were almost nude, Nattie was topless, and Nellie wasn't wearing pants. "Ha! Nellie! Take your top off!"

Then there was a knock. Genta ran up to open the door. It was Farley. And he saw all our tits. "Hey Farley!" I jumped up, making my tits bounce, and him follow them with his eyes.

"Wo-who..." I lifted his face up.

"I'm up here. We're playing strip monopoly, if you want to join." I winked at him.

"No... thank you I came to check if you were okay... but..." His eyes had drifted down again. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

"Continue." I looked up at him, as innocently as an almost nude girl can get.

"You seemed kind of nervous when you left... Are you okay?" He was looking down again...

"For the love of god stop looking at my tits! Here how about this!" I crouched down and yanked his pants and underwear down. "How do you like it?" I kissed him and felt something press onto my hip.

"Okay!" I spun around. "Well, lets get back to the game! Will you be joining us, Farley?"

A/N I'm sorry, it seems my apostrophe key does not work, so a few of my words look like "I m" and I apologize for that.


	12. Chapter 11

Dear Diary,

Last night was the best night of my existence. And this time, really, I do mean the best. After they had stripped me, I had gone back to the bedroom. I made up the bed, and started writing in my journal. He came in just as I was finishing, and sat down beside me. He rubbed his hand up and down my bare back, causing shivers. I turned over, and I pushed him down on the bed, kissing him. Remember diary. We were both NAKED. As naked could be. We were both pretty drunk too. And... I think you know what happens. Unless your Nellie. Then you don't know. But I'm not going into details in here, Nellie. I can tell you in person.

When Farley and I walked in the building in the morning, the wardrobe is in the basement, we came in on the first floor, he led me to the elevator with my hand in his, and my head on his shoulder. When we got to the elevator, I no longer had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him, my heels are always gigantic, so in a way I am on my tiptoes, but it's a matter of opinion. I was riding down the elevator, completely unaware that Neely was in it.

"Listen." I turned around, and she was glaring at me. "You slept with Farley last night. We could all hear you. Now, here's my problem you bitch. You see, I am in love with Farley. And he's in love with me. Not you. Get it?"

"No... He to-" But she had already shoved me against the wall and scratched my cheek, and one mark was drawing blood. "The hell!" I shoved her down and kicked her with my pointed toe shoe, and I heard one of her ribs crack. Good. I walked into the wardrobe room with my head high, not noticing her screeching in pain. Luckily, I was the only one in there, so I was the only one who could hear. "Remember Neely! You fell!" I shouted at her before the door closed.

I went on with my daily duties, seeing Macy nude, her gossiping, but today, I got to see a Mrs. Janet Majors. At about eight when I saw Janet, I admit, she was beautiful. It was nice that she got over Frank that easy. And, she got married. That's... Good. I had a brief encounter with Slutty, and it wasn't fun.

I had to bring her her clothes for the next day, but I had to baby-sit her while Cosmo and Nattie were... Working. Ick. "How are you today Mrs. Majors?" I put on the most convincing smile I could put on as I stood behind the bar. She looked at me strange and sat down in front of me.

"Do I know you?" She looked at the wine rack behind me, or who knows, it was probably my hair. It wasn't that long ago that she had seen it get shot by a laser.

"Well," I said, making up the quickest lie. "You have most likely seen me around here."

"Whatever. You just look... So... Familiar. What's your name?"

"Laura White." I'd used it so much lately, It was engraved on my tongue.

"Okay." She animated. "Oh yeah! You're the girl with Farley!" Oh god, let me tell you, that was the most relief I've had in a year.

"Yeah... I guess I am." I blushed and looked down. Little did I know, later that day, Slutty and Farleys relationship spread through the studio. He had said it was a publicity stunt... Whatever. I know its shit.

"Collie. Collie! I'm busting down the door!" Genta was outside, and I finally managed to drag myself up from the loveseat and answer her. When I opened the door, she crashed on top of me, it was evident she was leaning on the door. "Collie! What's wrong?" She hugged me, and I felt a baby kick me. She went white, and it looked like they were practicing martial arts. I led her to the couch, and she sat. "It's okay. They do this a lot."

"Hey." I put my mouth down to her stomach. "It's Auntie Columbia. You can call me Auntie Collie. Whatever your mommy says, I'm not a bad person. I helped name you, Patricia."

"Sing. They love music."

"Okay." We share so much music, this isn't uncommon, but it is a little uncommon to me to sing to her babies, so I just went with the song Eddie sang. His last one.

"Whatever happened to Saturday night? When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright? It don't seem the same since cosmic light. Came into my life, I thought I was divine... I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go, And listen to the music on the radio, my saxophone was blowin' on a rock 'n' roll show. You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good ti- hime." I just stopped there. "Farley is with Janet." I was crying on her shoulder. "He said it was publicity, that she's going to quit, That Judge Oliver was going to get Brad out, She'll choose Brad, and he'll pick me as Miss Mental Health, but the crownings tomorrow, and it's not looking good."

So, she put me to bed, and told me to write everything down in here. And you know, I think that glass of warm milk had drugs in it, because it was sweet and I'm getting tired-er and tired-er as every word. Unless tired-er isn't a word. But that's good, because I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I'm just going to stay in bed all day.

-Collie, who still can't remember to sign her diary.

A/N Well, it's my birthday. Another year of nobody even realizing that I'm standing behind them, trying to talk to them. Another year of getting cake, and slowly shying away to my computer, where I have The Sims open. Another year of watching people on Facebook, and getting two messages. One from my boyfriend, if he decides he'll get on, and one from Meghan. I just realized... I haven't complained about her yet... In some of the chapters in this, I rant. And rant. And rant. But I love her nevertheless. After all, she's the only one reading this...


	13. Chapter 12

Dear Diary,

Today, I didn't have to go in until three in the afternoon, which was good for me. And I succeeded my goal yesterday, I didn't get out of bed. They didn't film an episode of Dentonvale, so to the crowds it was non-existent, I guess. The crowning is today, and I was put in a white nurse dress and hat almost instantly. There were, order of chairs on the stage, Janet's mother, her father, Nellie, me, Macy, and Ralph, but he didn't sit in his. During the so called "coronation," Janet was given a car, and shortly after, just as he said, Brad, Oliver, and the lady who hosts the show with him came crashing through the poster of Janet. They bickered a bit, Farley stared at him like a madman, and Janet looked up at him, looked at Brad, and kneeled down to him. Farley started chanting, then the rest of us caught on. "Out! Out Out!" We all cheered as they were kicked out, and I was crowned Miss Mental Health.

Farley kissed me on the lips, and that was the first time weren't both already nude or drunk. "Thanks honey, they bought it." Bought what? Minutes later, we were in Nat and Cosmo's office. Now her name is Nat. We were all drinking and singing, ripping files out of the drawers, even though only we knew the real reason. Nat and Cosmo hated paperwork. "Denton Denton, you've got... No pretension, you're where the heart is your okay, Denton, Denton! I'd just like to mention your the home of youth, you're America's truth you're, Denton Denton USA!" We all started laughing, some repeating the words, when Neely showed up.

"Farley. Farley Flavors." She looked at him, and hit the wall, signaling the door to lock behind her, and started shouting. "Listen! Nobody speak. He's mine. All the rest of you. To the corners. I'll deal with him... Personally." She started kissing him, hitting the door, making it unlock and making them step out, locking us in again.

"Nat. How far does this window open?" I whispered to her. "I'll get help. I promise."

"All the way." She got up slowly, and told me to plug my ears. She rang out a four note tune, and, literally, everyone fell asleep. "It's a talent Transylvanians have. The Vitus's can do it too." She smiled, and unlocked the window. "Be careful." She headed over to the passed out Cosmo, and almost instantly, she looked like she was too.

As I left, I went to take my heels off, but I was in tennis shoes. "Hmm.. How will this work out?" I ran over to our apartment and slammed into Genta's room, because she gave me a key. "Hey, no questions, I need your phone." I dialed 911. "Hello? Yes operator, there is a hostage situation at the television studio." Genta and Riff just started to look at me. "The big television studio. The only one there is. YES! IN DENTON!" They smirked at me while I was screaming at the operator. "Thank you. Goodbye." I hung up, and turned to them. "I need to go back to the studio. Come with. Please?"

"Of course." We made our way to the studio, and the police were there, infiltrating the building.

"Hello.. Miss... Laura? Yes. We have found the perp, but are still trying to revive the rest of them."

"Revive? What happened?" I did my best to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, and I did a pretty good job.

"They were all found unconscious inside an office, which is where you escaped from? Correct?"

"Yes. They were all alive and well and awake when I left." I started tearing up. "I mean, will they live?" I was full on crying now, on Genta's shoulder.

"Yeah, they should be fine. Yes, officer Ross here." He started speaking into his shoulder, and we were led inside.

"Genta." I whispered. "They said Transylvanians could knock out people with song. Is that true?"

"Not just put them out, wake them up, put them into a coma, make them stare, vomit, mind control, a countless amount. Plug your guy's ears." She sang the same four notes it looked like Nat did, and everyone fell to the ground. Kind of like at the end of The Time Warp. "Okay. Get to the floor, act like you dead, I'll ring the wake up one." She wrang a clear five note tune, and everyone soon woke up. The police classified this place as unsafe, and led everyone out.

"And, as you can see behind me, this is the DTV studio, which is being evaluated to see if it is safe to go in. Here, we have some eye-witnesses, who were at the scene of the crime. Laura White and Magenta Vitus. How are you today?" Riff wasn't with us, he was back at the apartments, packing in case this doesn't work.

"Hello, mortals." I put my earplugs in, as everyone we knew and trusted was supposed to. Genta kept talking. "You are now under our command." She sang a simple melody, about twenty notes long. If this did work, it would be broadcast to every screen, on or off, all radio stations, anything that plays music, everything and anything. "Officaries, hand your titles to us. We will re-elect you once we have your title. File to us now. Give your Earthly possessions to us. We will be your new god" She sneered. She was a very negative atheist, as is most of their planet. I'm a Christian, even though I have lesbian-ish values. I go to church... On Christmas. I know I'm a bad person.

-Collie

A/N Okay. If you're reading this, give me a sign. Meghan, tell more people to read this. Lurkers, I'm almost positive that you can comment on it. I don't care if you say you hate it. Give me tips on how to make it better!


	14. Chapter 13

Dear Diary,

I'm back with Genta. After we were laying in bed after my latest bout of depression, I started kissing on her, and because we always drink when we're depressed, and she knew I was drunk, so we continued what happened, months ago now. It was fantastic. I remembered that night so much... Janet's seduction, Brad's, you see, we did not have working access to any TV station, not even news. So, it would be glory watching Frankie bring someone new in. It hurt at first, but after they were told that they had just slept with an alien, he either killed them, or took a body part and then killed them. How else do you think Rocky was made, diary? He seduced some poor man, or in some cases, women, and took parts of their body. You know what... Was Rocky just a girl with no tits? I mean I think he- she... It had a dick. Or maybe Rocky had both parts... What are those called... Hermaphrodite! I think... Anyway, Riff still does not know, like back at the castle. You know what, I'm going to go drink if I say castle or Frankie again.

Castle. Bye!

-Collie.

P.S. Collie went to the nearest pub, and drank until she couldn't even walk. So, William, the barkeep, he rang me telling me she was there. I read over these, and, they are not detailed. I think I should start with that night, if you really want to know what happens, in-animate object that Collie refers to as "Diary."

-Genta. I like that.

A/N I know this is short, but this was inspired by a pic my friend sent me, she is Columbia, I'm Magenta, and she sent me a pic of them... Um... After Toucha Toucha Touch Me, but before the Ring Around the Lesbians scene. Yes... that. What people.. Imagine them doing. Oh, and as for misspelling, this is Collie. She's not that grammatically correct. And, this is a diary. So, forgive me if there is a "there" instead of "their," I am misspelling these on purpose. And one more thing, I have based this time period from being anywhere from 1970, to '95. The date is not revealed in this one, but there is a hint near the end. It is finally revealed in the sequel. One more after that. I will be posting this in a one shot, as it being quite creepy. And rated M. I don't know if I even can post it, because the lastest news said it's not supposed to be MA. And this is basically porn... So I'm not sure if I'll post it. Let's just say Columbia reads it, and gets freaked out. Okay? And when I said Hermaphrodite, I was referring to the Greek god/dess who scared Pan.


	15. Chapter 14

Dear Diary,

I saw the... Graphic... Um... Story Genta told you, diary. And it was.. Umm... True, but I have more class than to describe... Heated scenes. I'm still pissed off at her for knowing it was Eddie, but I love her unconditionally. And... One other thing. We got married. Not legally, but, as far as we're concerned, we did. As of the state of Texas... But Riff doesn't know. We did a little ritual from their planet, so we would be married there. The ritual is easy, you dance the planets ritual dance, the anthem, and sing the solos together. It's only you two, or however many people you are marrying, and then you kiss when you are supposed to fall to the floor out of exhaustion. So... We could be married... But I think we're gonna get a divorce. It's just... Not that hot anymore. Maybe when she has the babies. Is lesbian marriage legal?

It's working out better with Farley now... And that's another thing. Genta and I are cheating on each other. Her with her brother, me with Farley, but it's kinda cool. He is worshiping of me, because I'm part of the mind control shit that they did. It's kinda funny.

But Genta is starting to worry me. Every time one of the babies kick, she turns white as a ghost. She says shes fine, but Riff and I can tell she's not. It was about one in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. I went over to their place, because I needed to know if she was okay.

"Hey Columbia." Riff was on the couch, drinking what looked like tea.

"How's Genta?" He looked up at me, and I could tell it was killing him.

"Not good. She finally fell asleep, but her face still goes in pain when the babies move."

"Really?" It was barely above a whisper, but he was lucky I could make it that loud.

"Yeah. Come here." He held his arm out to me, and I sat down beside him, and he put his arm around me. it wasn't a romantic gesture, just more of a friendly gesture. He's like my father. My own father was abusive, and even though Riff is only about three years older than me, he's like family. Of course, if I did say he was family, that could still be romantic.

"When are those things coming out of her, before she bursts?" I put my head on his shoulder, and he sighed in grief.

"I don't know. Transylvanian pregnancies are different from Earth pregnancies."

"Really? How different?" I looked up at him.

"Well, she is due in about a month."

"And all this time I was expecting nine months. How long is a hamster pregnant?"

"About three months... Why?" He looked at me again, and I smiled.

"Well, that just means we can't call her a hamster." I grinned, and he sighed, but I saw a flash of smile.

"So, why did you come over tonight?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm her lover and I'm concerned about her!"

"You guys are together again." He raised an eyebrow, and I remember thinking shit. She's going to kill me.

"Not... Formally.."

"Whatever." He smiled, but he dropped it quickly because she screeched from the other room, and like that, we were both sprinting in there.

She was as white as a ghost, and her eyes were bloodshot. Riff yanked the covers back, and she was curled in the fetal position, and there was a fresh blood stain. "Oh my god..." He looked down in disbelief, and I knew he was gone.

"Magenta!" I was screaming now, trying to get her attention. "Wake up!" I think her water broke than, because a clear liquid came out, followed by more blood. Someone knocked at the door. "Riff!" I ran to him. "Answer the door!" He walked up, like he was in a trance. He ran back in the room after minutes of me coaxing Genta to get dressed, he came back in, swooped her up, and dragged me along.

"We're taking her to the hospital, Call Nattie and them on the car phone to let them know." I don't remember when we started calling her Nattie again.

I'm sitting on the chair next to Genta now, next to Patricia and Pacifica too. You won't be able to wait to see how this unfolded.

A/N I wanted to leave this here, because I love cliffhangers. And I just want to assure I'm not the only one who does this... When Dora says who do we call, I say something like penis, and then he comes on screen. (The Map, not a penis.) Does anyone else do that? I'm watching Dora because of my younger brother. And sometimes because of one of my friends. Although she likes Bubble Guppies. Which, I had to read all of the fanfiction to her on this site.


	16. Chapter 15

Dear Diary,

If you payed attention, I said Genta was okay. She's okay physically, and the babies are too, but not emotionally...

I had just called Nattie and them, told them to reserve a room for royalty. They, of course could hypnotize them, so it was not a problem. We speed down the road, not caring if we got stopped, because the nearest hospital was ten miles away. We got there quickly, and ran up the steps, him carrying her, me holding her hand, and when we got in she was whisked away from us into her room. We followed as far as we could go. There was a monitor beeping, so that was a good sign.

Nattie, Cosmo, Nellie, and the guy she was dating, Ricky, made it up here. After about three minutes of beeping, we heard a flatline. "No. No!" I whispered, collapsing on Riff.

He shoved me into Nation violently, and stormed out. "This can't be happening!" He screamed at us, running now.

"Cosmo, Ricky. Go make sure he doesn't do anything drastic." Nattie's voice was drastic, but ice cold. They nodded and ran after him. She held her arms out, and I collapsed into them, and started sobbing. I heard something like an electric shock, and the heart monitor started again.

Some Transylvanians teleported here, I could tell by the feeling in the air, the tingly feeling, and I knew they had brought medical devices from all over their planet. That made us all feel better, except for, of course, Riff Raff. After about an hour, the nurse came out.

"Is she okay?" I pounced on her, and Nellie drug me back to my seat, about five feet away.

"Her babies were born about three weeks immature, she had heavy internal bleeding, one of the babies is smaller than the other, but nothing too bad. She and the babies should be fine if given the proper recovery time. Who's the father?"

"He can't really be here today. But, I'm the second mother."

Her eyes widened, looked me up and down, and sighed. "This way, this way." She led me in the room, where Magenta had both of them in her arms. One of them had her green eyes, and one had Riff's blue. She smiled as she saw me. "Hey. Come look at your daughters." She said it softly, as if not to wake them, even though they were awake.

"Wow. They're beautiful." She looked up at me, and I could tell they recognized my voice. I smiled at them.

"Where's Riff?" Oh god.

"He... Uh. Your heart stopped before the people came with the machines." She looked torn, but nodded. "And... He heard that, so he ran out crying. And screaming. He thought you were dead. And, I would've agreed. If you weren't living, there would be no point in either of us living either." She gasped, and tried to hold her tears in. She didn't want to cry in front of them.

"Nurse!" She screamed. Almost instantly the nurse came in and put the babies in an incubator and left. "How could you let him leave?" She was sobbing now. "How!"

"He was faster than us. He shoved a nurse out of the way." There. She's lied to me, I've lied to her.

"Did...Have they found him?"

"They're coming back soon. I promise." I sat down on the bed, holding her hand. After she fell asleep, the nurse had to change her IV, so she brought in a chair for me to sit in. After another hour, Nellie came in, saying they found Riff. And that's where I was when I left off last night. I was making my way over to the beach they said he was at. He had gone back to Transexual, after his rage had calmed enough to remember how to work the transport device. It was just him alone, they said they hadn't spoken to him yet. "Hey."

"I know Ricky and Cosmo are here, Columbia. You guys can leave. I want to speak to her alone." I waved them off.

"Yes?"

"Come sit." He patted the gray sand of their "moon drenched planet." I sat down beside him. "Do you know where she wanted to be put to rest?"

"But sh-"

"On this beach. She loved it here. There are lots of burials here, making it a popular destination. Remember, this planet is very gothic. This was also the place of our first date. And kiss, a few dates later." He sighed as a warm wind blew through his thin hair, starting to gain some back after starting to get fed properly.

"She's alive." He looked up.

"Sure she is." His eyes were still closed as I took him by the hand and led him up the trail to his old house. I knew Cosmo and Ricky would return soon. They had a few families living here, renting it, so, there is still a few things like coffee and tea in the cabinet. I checked the expiration date on some tea, when he said things don't expire here. Hmm. I made us some tea, and we sipped it in silence. "You know, we have made love on this very table." He looked down at me lift my elbows off the table, and he smirked. "I should tell my mother and father that she's dead." He looked up, like he was... In the trance.

"You should. If she was dead." I suddenly had an idea. "Do you want to see the babies?"

"Why? They killed her. If we had been more careful, or if we weren't in love after all. But that shouldn't be a problem. Thank you for taking care of her." He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. A tear went down his face. "Maybe I will meet my children, before I officially hand them to you. I could never take them," He said when he saw the confused look on my face. We had made our back to Earth, and were on our way up to the hospital, but we had to trick him a bit. Nattie, Nellie, Cosmo and Ricky had gone back to Transexual, getting a house for Riff Genta and the babies to live in. "Why aren't the babies in the nursery?"

"Well..." I made up the quickest lie that came to mind. "Since they have royal blood in them, as well as extraterrestrial, they didn't want to expose them to common diseases." That worked well enough. As we made our way through the doors, his face went white like Genta's used to, except his was out of joy. The babies were right beside her in the incubator thing, and she was curled towards them. He looked at me, and I nodded him forwards in encouragement. He walked slowly towards her, almost like he wasn't meaning to. He touched her hand, and smiled.

Her eyelids fluttered open, and he jumped back, but she had grabbed his hand. "Hello, my darling." She hissed, almost like a snake, she sat up quickly, and smiled. "I've been waiting. The babies, however, they like having two mommies. Don't you, girls?" She looked over at them. "You left me. I died, and you couldn't stay positive? Or comfort my wife!" He turned to me, raised his eyebrows, but I nodded him on. "No. You fled to our planet, sat on the beach. You just stared. You didn't cry, over your sister, the mother of your children, the lady who took your virginity. I thought I loved you. Not any-" She was cut off by him pressing his lips to hers. "So..." She looked at me. "I guess we are getting that divorce." Riff smiled triumphantly.

"Well, that depends if he wants to have a three-some." Genta raised her eyebrows, and he looked disgusted. After a small argument about not wanting to watch his fiancee being pleasured by her wife, they fell asleep in each others arms. I kept looking at the babies. Now I want one. Sad face.

-Collie, who is joining Nattie in the baby parade.

A/N Okay. I am on a website called Reddit a lot, and this was a popular Iama. "IAmA former writer/director of Spongebob Squarepants and Phineas & Ferb." Wait... My brain slowed down and re-read it. Phineas and Ferb? As in the one with Richard? I was fangirling by then, and asked him, (Jay Lender,) this question. "Okay. I have been in love with spongebob, but I want to focus on Phineas and Ferb. Okay. First question. Richard O'Brien. I saw a video of him in the Phineas and Ferb studios, singing The Time Warp. How did that happen?

Second question. I believe it was in Across The Second Dimension, Isabella kissed Phineas. And then they got their memory's erased, but it seems like Phineas wanted to kiss her. But, in Summer Belongs To You, in Paris, he was just looking for airplane parts. (City of Love.)

Third question. When Richard got the role, how many of the child/teenage actors knew who he was? How awkward was it to explain?

Edit: You worked on Ladies and Gentleman, Meet Max Modem. That episode has produced many fan girlish giggles from me and my boyfriend. (Both of us are insane Rocky and P&F fans.) I have that song stuck in my head as I write this, but it is worth it. I love it. I do have another question.

Fourth question. There is an episode where on the credits, it's talking about translating I'm Lyndana And I Want To Have Fun in all kinds of languages. The last part says "And everybody's favorite language:" But the boys walks in and Lynda shuts off the television. What is everyone's favorite language?"

That was about 13 hours ago according to Reddit. About 32 minutes ago, he responded and I flipped the fuck out. "I wish I had been in the room for Richard O'Brien! He was in town and stopped by the studio. We have lots of musicians in the studio and there are guitars all over the place. Music happens. And when Richard is in the room the Time Warp is going to happen, whether he likes it or not.

I don't recall Phineas wanting to kiss Isabella in Second Dimension, but there's room for him to have his feelings change... a bit.

I wasn't in the room for that moment when they heard about Richard, but it probably came up for each of them individually since Richard lives in a faraway land and never records in the same room with the others.

I think the Lindana episode you're talking about must be before my time. I worked briefly on the pilot, then didn't show up again until the middle of the second season. Sorry!"

So now I'm not going to be able to sleep as I am smiling too much. It's still open, if anyone wants to talk to him. He's trying his best to respond! My favorite part, **And when Richard is in the room the Time Warp is going to happen, whether he likes it or not. **Sadly... That's what our obsessive fan base has done. It would be better if you saw him on the street, and just randomly, you hear Riff's chorus, you turn around, and he's just standing in the middle of the walk. A girl can dream, okay? I would absolutely die if that happened though.


	17. Chapter 16

Dear Diary,

You see so many of my good days, I guess it was my fate to have a bad one.

Magenta suffered from a rather severe stroke or something. She's in a coma. A FUCKING COMA! Nattie was sobbing when she phoned me... Saying to forgive her, but I never really blamed her anyway. I blame their planet. They are supposed to have great advances in technology... Right. I was told better than Nattie was at least.

"Miss..." Nation was sitting at Genta's side, because she saw the horrible convulsions that she had done.

"Mrs. Nation McKinley."

"Right... How are you related to Miss Vitus?"

"First cousin. Did you get the test results yet?"

"Yes... It seems she has suffered from a rather... Severe stroke. Her blo-"

"What! How is this possible?" She had sprung up out of her seat, and was in his face now.

"Well, her blood loss was a big part, but seeing as you are a doctor yourself-"

"I'm in costume. Character acting." This Earthling did not know about her being a leader too, but she wasn't going to sing, not now anyway.

"Well, I assure you, we will do the best we can. Why don't you call her... Wife." It seemed like he had a hard time getting it out. "And um... Inform her that we are moving her to an another hospital."

And we had all been sitting at her bedside for hours, until a nurse came in. "Hello! Has she moved, spoken any?" We shook our heads, Riff and I, because the others had gone home. "Well, in that case, does she have any blood relatives here?"

"I'm her blood brother." Riff stood up, and the nurse led him into the hall. I took this as a better time than any.

"Magenta. I love you, I always have. But, and I mean this when I say it. I love you like a sister. Let's face it, when we get together, one of us are drunk. I never see, you know, a real... Spark. Like you and Riff, or Nattie and Cosmo." I just sat there for a minute, and I thought about how lonely the babies must be. So, completely making it up as I went along, I started singing as I held them both. "On a tropical isle, I'd walk for a mile, just to hear a jukebox play. In the sizzling heat - Ooh! I must have raw feet, and dance that cocktail Latin way - Hey. I'm not laid back at all, just wanna have me a ball. In a crosscut and slacks, Wooh! - I never relax, and palm trees will sway as I say. Oh, I'm gonna sing in the sun every day. Oh, I'm gonna dance, dance, dance. That cocktail Latin way." I saw Genta smile, and that's when the facade fell through. "Genta? Are you awake?"

"No..." She opened her eyes. "Riffy, you can come out! I broke it!"

He walked in with a grin on his face, walked over and helped her up. "That was a lovely song, Laura." He called me Laura, and that could've only been one thing. I looked up, and noticed the security camera.

"No way! This was a joke!"

"Not all of it." Nattie Cosmo and Nellie walked in. "The coma and stroke part. The rest was real." She pointed up at the camera. "Smile, because this was an experiment done on you Earthlings to see how easy you feel emotion." It wasn't a big deal, saying they are aliens anymore. Everyone already knows.

After everyone had left, it was about noon, so Riff had left too, It was just Genta and I. "You know, it wasn't for the show."

I had thought she was asleep. "What?"

"This whole thing. It was my idea, because you and Riff tricked me into thinking you were dead. He knew, so now I just have to get back at him."

"You can be a bitch at times, you know?" She opened her eyes and smiled at me.

"I know." She started laughing, and she laid back down and closed her eyes.

-Collie

A/N There is a scheduled power outage tomorrow night. To keep me from freaking out about the dark, I have decided to write a oneshot. I have no idea what it's about, not yet anyway. Dark inspires me. Let's hope it will work. And I don't absolutely have an anxiety attack.


	18. Chapter 17

Dear Diary,

We had figured out Genta's sentence here, and it is only two more days... Yay? It will take sooooo long. I'm, well, we are all, sad that she has to stay in so long, but we all are trying to entertain her as much as possible.

"Do you remember some of the times we had, back in the castle?"

"Like what?"

"Like, when one of us would screw up our lines, and behind the scenes. And some of those rare times he would let you out of the house."

"Oh yeah, once a year at most."

"That's not true. It was more than that, when I did something special."

"Ew."

"It's not that bad!"

"Then what was it?"

"Steak... And blowjob day. Except I celebrated it more than once a year."

"Really? That sounds like an... Interesting holiday."

"We celebrated it differently though. Instead of eating at home, we would go to the restaurant, order steak, I would pretend to drop my fork or something, and I would go under the tablecloth, and... You know..."

"No. I don't know. Say it out loud. Kiss and tell. Blow and tell. Swallow and tell. _Whichever you do_." She smiled at me.

"Fine. Once I was done, we would go back like nothing happened, and we ate our steak. But, when I wanted to go out with you, I would just give him the second part of the holiday, and he would let us go out."

"Wow..."

"You should try that on Riff."

"I know!" But she shouted a little too hard, and grimaced in pain while holding her stomach.

"Oh... That brings back memories."

"Really? Of what?" She was glaring at me now, but I kept on smiling.

"Of when you got bruises humping the lab."

"Yeah... I remember. That was one of the best couples... The lesbians. God, that was the best time of my life."

"I don't know about that. If Eddie and Frankie hadn't gotten killed, I would've loved to see what parts he took from Brad and Janet."

"Yeah. Maybe he would build a woman, so Frank could fuck the little babies."

"He wasn't that weird."

"Sure. He fucked everyone above the age of eighteen."

"Yeah... I can still remember though, he fucked me while I was sixteen."

We both chuckled, and went on with our back stories.

-Collie

A/N Lately, I've been listening to so much Nell, it's not funny. This was from her POV, because, originally, I was Columbia. But my bitch of a best friend stole her out from under me, and I have to help her learn her lines. HOW IS THAT FAIR! Oh, and, I don't have an editor, and for some reason, my "O" key does not work, so if you see a word like "nw" it really means "now." I'm just using Google Docs. It's working pretty well. But I love you! Mreow? Mreow? MEGHAN! MEOW BACK! Teary face.** Okay. This is really short. I think the next one is longer...**


	19. Chapter 18

Dear Diary,

"Columbia! Get up!"

"Five more minutes mum!" I was awakened, finally, to a pillow in the face. I realized it was not my nightmare, so I was at least relieved by that.

"NO!" Genta could walk now, because there were only a few more hours until she was released. I groaned and went to the bathroom her room had, and washed my hair in the sink. I'm dying it again, my bright pink... Reddish... Bluish greenish pinkish reddish color as soon as she gets out. Okay, I may be over exaggerating the color, but still... But anyway, my roots were starting to show, and I hated that. So did Frankie. That's why I started dying my hair, He didn't like my natural color, so I dyed it this color. I fell in love with it shortly afterwards, so my hair has been this color since I was sixteen.

"Genta?" I asked, suddenly remembering something. "When did you start working for Frankie?"

"As soon as I turned sixteen, you are required to be employed. Why?"

"I- I... Don't know. It's like all of our memories are resurfacing. Good and bad."

"It's probably the hospital. They do weird things to people. Like, I've been having nightmares ever since they put me on that pain killer drip."

"Really?" I said, interested now, putting my hair up in a towel.

"Like... My first night in the palace. That was the scariest thing for me. Or when Frank was mad, he would whip us. Of course, the spoiled groupie never would get whipped, except in bed." I burst out laughing at this, and she did too. As she told you, my laugh is contagious.

"Wait..." I said, coming out of the bathroom. "What did they say this was?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"'Cause I've been stealing some." She looked like she was about to say something. But I cut her off like the little _spoiled_ groupie I am. "I wonder... If thi-"

"Very good, Columbia is it?" I was approached by a doctor, because we had to leave the door open. After she came closer, it was obvious "she" was a tranny. "But, I'm afraid, you are to be extinguished. Magenta here, she is an heir to the throne. I can not let that happen. I am the queen's bastard child!" He was screaming now, and I knew what I had to do. I ran over, grabbed the twins, and handed them to Magenta. "Aw. You care for your friends' babies more than you do yourself... Selfless. Unfortunately, you all have to be... Terminated." I walked up slowly, leaned down, and hunched at his feet.

"Do it. Kill us all now. Just... Me first. I don't want to hear them scream."

"Not so selfless now, huh?" He laughed as something sharp went into my back, and everything went black.

"Columbia? Wake up, darling." The black went blurry, and I could see her frizzy hair.

I gasped, and grabbed to her arm, so much that she shrieked. I looked at her arm when I let go, and it had nail marks, a few of them drawing blood. "Ma- Magenta?"

"It's alright, I'm here. Did you have a night terror?"

"Yeah- yeah. I guess I did. The weird thing was, I had two. I had just woken up from one, when it went to another." I remembered something, and sat up straighter. "Where's your medicine drip?"

"I don't have one... Is this something I should be concerned about?"

"No... It's just.. It seemed so... So real. You know?"

"Yeah... It was the same the first nights we killed Frank."

"Really? It didn't seem like it."

"Because you were sobbing your eyes out.

"I do not know if I should be embarrassed or not."

"Honey, he was your lover. Both of them were, and they died within hours of each other. It's okay."

"No... It's not. You were hurting, and I was asleep."

"I've told you this several times before."

"I'm sorry. I don't remember. Can I go back to bed?"

"No. We have got a big day!"

I moaned, and I assume Riff walked into the room, because Genta got coffee, and handed me one too.

"Thanks." I mumbled something that even I couldn't make out, and Riff laughed. "Shut up!" I plopped back down, getting coffee in my eyes, and I squeaked. "That's black! I like mine with cream!"

"Honey, let's go wash you up. You're a little out of it." She sat me down in the shower chair, and turned the warm water on. I woke up some, but for the rest of the day, I was in a haze. During the process of checking out, the ride home. Or to what I thought was home. I noticed that we had past the apartment.

"Where are we going?"

"Home." They exchanged a sly smile, and we speed up. When we pulled up to a shitty hotel, I knew what was going on. Frank had been lucky, he had a transducer outside of the bathroom. But, most sonic transducers are, unfortunately, located in showers, and those showers mostly in shitty motels. We made our way in, and the person at the desk looked at us, and held out a key.

"Room two twenty."

"We know." Genta muttered, and Riff laughed. We made our way down the hall, with all our belongings, and the babies in a carriage. We didn't all fit, so we decided to send Riff with the luggage, then Genta and I with the babies. I had to go with Genta, because for some reason, he didn't trust her alone. I folded the carriage while Genta pressed a bunch of buttons. We stepped inside, Patricia and Pacifica were awestruck. They were still so small, we hadn't found any clothes, even for premature babies. You see, Transylvanian babies are born smaller than normal Earthling babies, even though when they grow, they are usually taller. And them being premature didn't help with the size issue, so they were just wrapped in blankets. When we made it to the planet, I gasped a little. It still felt like it had been so long. Well, it had been. Almost a half a year. And it was just the room we were in. No sun, no light except for candles. We were in a transducer room, which they had all over town. This certain one was marked "Denton, USA."

"Took you long enough." Riff was against the wall, with the bags.

"Well, you always make us do it on safe, I thought I would follow in your footsteps..." She looked up at him, batted her full lashes, and made a puppy dog face.

"Well, let's go get some clothes for the babies. You guys have a coronation to attend."

The shopping was great, I had never seen such small clothes. So I'm sitting in a fancy dress, writing in my journal, getting a bunch of weird looks.

-Collie


	20. Chapter 19

Dear Diary,

Well, they have a queen and a king now. Incest is also allowed now, so yay for the two couples in my life. It'll be like all freaky. Like that one planet in this galaxy. So, It should be called Transexual Incest.

Holy shit, that's _not_ a good name.

"You daydream a lot." Nattie and I sat across from each other. We still didn't know each other well, but well enough that we talked.

"You just have to get used to it. Like people have to get used to the rule change."

"Do you think that's a mistake?"

"What?" I looked up from my magazine, but she was drawing patterns on the carpet with her fingers.

"Us. Cosmo and I... You know, coming out. People will most likely still frown upon it. I mean it was frowned upon before... Was it ever legal? I think it was." She looked up at me. "I'm sorry. I must be boring you."

"No. It's fine. I love hearing other people's problems. It's really interesting. I love helping them."

She gave a small laugh. "You would of been better at Dentonvale than I was. I don't even have a degree."

"Please. I didn't finish high school."

"Really? What composed you to drop out?" She said. I got on my hands and knees, and crawled over from my spot on the floor to hers.

"I met someone. I had been dumped by a band I was touring with, I told them I was eighteen, when I was fifteen. They dumped me, when I was sixteen. I was hitch hiking a while, until I met a gorgeous man. Sure, he was in makeup, but he was proud. I got in his car, and he asked me for my name, and without a beat, I used my fake name. The one I used for the show, but with a different surname. His hair was black and curly, and on closer inspection, I saw he was in heels. And that put me head over heels. I had been wearing my same makeup for a while, and he seemed to notice. 'How old are you?' He asked me, and I looked down. 'Sixteen.' 'Good,' he stated. 'You'll fit in well.' He then explained how he was seventeen, all of his staff was my age. We got to the castle we came here in, and I freaked."

"Then.." Magenta walked in the room, and I relaxed. I could stop speaking so much of my past. I would sob if I had so say anymore. "He welcomed her in with open arms. I had to room with her, because she was scared, but we hardly ever slept together. She was in Frankie's suite, or I was in Riffy's chambers. Anyway, those were the days we didn't have company. It was nice the last evening, to have different songs. That Rocky sang... But, it was nice to have people to time warp with, mostly. But, from the second Riff set Rocky free, our plan was in action. Even with the floor shows for every visitor, we wore our costumes that Riff had been working on for so long. The costumes of the planet. It's amazing, how good he can sew. Anyway, my Riff had worked something out with Collie, and she pretended to die, while he killed Frank, and his... Creation." We both nodded to the stunned Nattie.

"You know what? We need a girls night out. Let's go to a karaoke bar. It was invented here, but the Japanese stole it. Or whoever that Earthing was." She was really freaked, but she tried to hide it. Genta and I didn't want to go, but we could tell Nattie did, so we sucked it up.

Later, we were all pretty drunk, and Genta and I wanted to sing a song together.

"We- we would like to sing a song." We stumbled up, after I shouted.

"Well pretty ladies, that's what people come here for. What'do you want?" I started to laugh, even though nothing was funny.

"I got you babe!"

I heard Nattie groan, and I laughed.

We were up on stage, and I started. "They say we're young and we don't know, we won't find out until we grow."

"Well I don't know if all that's true, 'cause you got me, and baby I got you."

"Babe."

We both sang. "I got you babe, I got you babe."

"They say our love won't pay the rent, before it's earned, our money's all been spent."

"I guess that's so, we don't have a pot, but at least I'm sure of all the things we got."

"Babe."

Both of us, again. "I got you babe, I got you babe."

"I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring." I smiled at her, even though we never got rings.

"And when I'm sad, you're a clown, and if I get scared, you're always around."

"So let them say your hair's too long, cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong." Well, that's true.

"Then put your little hand in mine, there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb."

"Babe."

Let's just assume, on these parts, It's both of us. "I got you babe, I got you babe."

"I got you to hold my hand."

"I got you to understand."

"I got you to walk with me."

"I got you to talk with me."

"I got you to kiss goodnight."

"I got you to hold me tight."

"I got you, I won't let go."

"I got you to love me so."

We sang, smiling at each other. "I got you babe, I got you babe, I got you babe, I got you babe, I got you babe!" They all clapped as we burst out laughing. We made our way off the stage, to Nattie, who was clapping.

"We better get going... It's about one." We groaned, but Nattie was leading us towards the house. This was a very close bar to the house, it was only a short walk, but we were laughing all the way. We crashed in, scaring Nellie, who I room with. Well, more of a house mate. It's Nellie and I, Cosmo and Nattie, and of course Genta, Riff and the twins. I like having a house mate... It gives me someone to talk to. Having an... Interesting opinion.

-Collie, who now knows how to freak people out. Just tell them your life story.


	21. Chapter 20

Dear Diary,

Well, the planet has a king, a queen, two heirs to the throne, and... There is someone else... I just can't seem to remember who... Oh yeah. The godmother got proposed to six times when she went with her friend, Sonny, to get her green card to stay in Transylvania. It's similar to Earth... Except these planets are like Earth countries.

When we were there, I was proposed to six effen times! I still can't get over it! A few of them were cute, one even from Earth. I had to turn them down, it was just... I want it to be love, not just to help them get a green card. I mean, Eddie and I... We were engaged. Magenta, I know you're reading this, just don't say anything. Not to me, not to Riff, not to Nattie, not to ANYBODY! I mean it, Magenta! Don't make me use your full name! I threaten the dogs! It's just... I couldn't say anything, Frank forbid me. Yes, I told Frank. I felt like I had to. I was just his groupie, but it was a commitment. In a way... And he was there for me, when he picked me up off the streets, he fed me, gave me my clothes, makeup, nail polish, hair dye, and an allowance. Now, that makes me sound like a prostitute, but it's true. Just... Pocket money. For me to buy my own clothes, movies, play tickets, records, and to pay for my dancing classes. He would've paid for them if he knew, but I wanted to surprise him. So I just made up about some Earthling disease, and he bought that I had to dance to keep healthy. I'm blabbing on again, aren't I? I'm truly sorry, Genta, just don't tell anyone. We were going to keep it a secret, just go and get married somewhere like Vegas. I read all the notes you send me, it's like we don't really communicate outside of my journal anymore. But it's easier. We discuss so many... Awkward things.

"Columbia. Genta wants you." Riff stood outside my door, because I had my head buried in a magazine. They have really good fashion, diary. Here on their planet. All... Unique.

"Why do you hate me?" I looked up, and he was confused and offended at the same time.

"Well," he said, sitting on the cushion next to me, and looked at me, still a little confused. "What would make you think that?"

"I don't know. It just... Forget about it. You said Genta wanted me?" I got up, and headed towards the door. It was silence except for my footsteps, even the dogs had stopped barking. It was easy for him to break the silence.

"What? Forget about what?" He got up to, and he was behind me.

"Nothing really."

"Fine." He looked down. "I do hate you, but not really. You... Are like a sister to me. Not a sister like Genta, but a sister. Like a younger sibling, that kind of hate. But when you stole my Genta, that was the last straw. I just hated you. I guess... It had been building up, ever since you were scared and we thought Genta should room with you." He looked up at me, and he was kind of tearing up. I knew it was most likely a load of shit, but I went with it.

"Aw!" I hugged him around the neck. "Can I call you Riffy?"

"No." He smiled at me and unattached my arms from his neck. "I imagine she still wants you."

I walked down the stairs, Genta didn't even look up from cooking, jamming her thumb over her shoulder into the conference room. I had been over to their house, cause I'm always lonely when Nellie is at work. I saw Sonny on the screen. "Collie! I thought you were just gonna ignore me!" Sonny is about fifteen, but she is short. Her face looks like she could be twenty, though.

"No, I'm here!" I sat down on the loveseat.

"It feels so weird dialing the royal residence... Even better of a feeling to have me in your phone book. I feel so important... Like a general! Or maybe a-"

"Does this conversation have a point?"

"Oh yeah! I met this girl at the bar! She looke-"

"How did you get into a bar!"

"Fake ID! Duh-huh! And cut me off a lot today! But, she looked a lot like that girl, Janet Majors, and she looked really slutty." I laughed a little, and she just looked at me weird. "But I took a picture with her, she looks a little out of it, so I got her address too. She's saying at a motel." She held a picture of them up, it was unmistakably Janet. I could also tell it was Sonny, with her bright purple hair, and matching eyes. I think she has contacts.

I had run out of the room though, as soon as I saw Janet. I dragged her in, and she still had a whisk in her hand. "Ouch! I swear to god Columbia. If-" But she cut off when I pointed at the picture. She was calm. "Sonny. Is that you in the photograph?"

"Mm-hmm." She rolled her eyes.

"Could y-you bring the lady with you in the lict-pict...ure over here, as soon as possible?" She was sweating, and was getting blue.

"Columbia, fix the queen. I'll get her down there." Magenta glared at the monitor now, and Sonny noticed. "Um.. Bye." She hung up quickly.

"How could she get here?" I looked up at her, and she was turning blue again, and I shook her. "How?" I almost whispered, that was all I could muster.

"She- She probably followed us. Found the hotel, took it here. I remember her, but I didn't say anything, I thought I was letting nerves go to my head. Let s go to the hall, wait there." We walked in silence.

"Hey!" Sonny broke the silence, but we could only see the pixilated version of her, and what looked like a pixilated version of Janet. After they formed, Janet looked horrible. Hollow eyes, and cheekbones. She hadn't had much to eat, you could tell. Like you could see her bones. Even her breasts, gone. What little fat, gone. Except on her stomach, but she was wearing baggy clothes, so it was hard to tell. Like a hollow shell of herself. It was silence again, but Janet broke it.

"Magenta. Long time no see." Genta nodded her head, still looking her skeleton up and down. "But Columbia. Didn't I see you in..." She swallowed back tears. "Dentonvale?"

"Yes. Genta, could you make us some tea?"

"Sure." She nodded at me, and I could tell she was grateful I got her out of the room.

I led Janet and Sonny down the corridor, into a sitting room. We sat down, and I was tapping my foot, when I realized it was my turn to talk. "Janet." I said breathlessly. "How are you?"

"This little beast is eating me alive. I throw up everything." She lifted up her shirt, and I saw a bump, like she was about four months pregnant.

I gasped, and Sonny just nodded. And... I've taken up a page, so I'll continue this.

-Collie, who at this point was as freaked as hell.

A/N And... I put Janet in here. It will end... Well. Janet fans... You might be happy. Don't doubt me now! I think... It's a good plan.


	22. Chapter 21

Dear Diary,

So, continuing, since I ran out of paper, I am writing this. Because I left off about noon, I still have a lot, before four in the morning, right now.

"How... How far along are you?"

"About... Eight months." I looked at her in disbelief.

"Eight! Earthling pregnancy is nine, and you look like you're four!"

"Not between an Earthling and a Transexual. I looked it up in a library here." She saw my confused look, rolled her eyes, and continued. "An Earthling is pregnant nine months. An average for the galaxy of Transylvania is about five. I believe it's this one that is about eight, and... Bisexual is three... I may be wrong. I probably am. All I payed attention to is people of other planets. For example, I believe it said a person from planet Asexual, which I don't know how is possible... And a Bisexual had a child, it would take about twelve months to fully form."

"How long does it take for a Transsexual and an Earthling baby to form?"

"About twenty nine months." She groaned. "I'll never get this out!"

"So... Whose is it?"

"Who do you think?" I raised my eyebrows, because there were several contenders. "I don't know myself. I just hope It's not one of the dead people. If so, there is a three in about seven chance that it will be born without a father."

"Three? Did Farley die?" She grimaced, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

"No. I wish." She frowned. "He was never really with me, apparently. He was with you. But we didn't sleep together."

"That's a shame."

"There were three people I had intercourse with, that I didn't pick up off the street." I smirked a bit at this, but she broke down crying. "Brad, Rocky, and Frank! Those are the dead ones too!"

I was quiet for a moment. "I- He's dead?" I don t know why I was upset.. He was a little cute, geeky mostly.

"Yeah. After we went our separate ways, me to become... Employed on the streets, he went a more practical way." She snarled "He became... He became a go-go dancer! A bottomless one, in Las Vegas! He... Fell of a trapeze. And even worse, when they brought him to the morgue, he was wearing nothing but six inch heels and a rhinestone choker!" I laughed silently at this, because she grimaced in pain. "Are all of these demons!"

"Genta's were. They stopped her heart." That got her interested.

"She has babies?" She shot her head up. "Can- Can I see them?" She peered around me.

"Sure." I got up, and extended my hand. She looked up at me, and took it. I helped her up, and we walked to the kitchen. "They're twins. Patricia and Pacifica."

Genta was at the stove, still making tea. "Do you need anything?" But Janet had walked past her, mesmerized by the cherubs in the high chairs.

"Not really. I'm expecting a little Tranny myself, and I just wanted to see one."

"Really? How far along are you?"

"About eight months."

"Only..." She counted on her fingers, but Janet groaned.

The babies looked up at her, and she stopped. "I'm sorry! I just want to see someone like you soon!" We all chuckled, except for Sonny.

"What are you gonna name 'em?" Sonny piped.

"I don't know... But, I think I will name it Sonny. It's a boys and girls name, and it's in honor of my help when I got to this planet." She smiled at her, and she tried to smile back.

"Columbia?" Sonny looked at me, suddenly. "Could you show me where the powder room is?" Before I could answer, she took hold of my wrist and was dragging me down the hall. "Okay." She stopped, she looked back. "I don't think they can hear us."

"What's wrong?"

"You know, how you came with me to get my green card?" I nodded, and she went on. "Well, I never really told you why I came here." She looked down, and I knew it was to hide her tears. "I was living on planet Homosexual. Had a real good life. But like on every planet, there are some who don't really... Follow. I... I was one. I got pregnant, because we don't really have birth control, since no one really did it. Or with the opposite sex, anyway. So, when my lover and I were caught, we were tortured. Every single day. Until one day, I..."

"Say it, honey." I put my hand on her shoulder, and smiled at her.

"They stabbed me in the stomach, killing the baby. My... My boyfriend." She convulsed, holding her hand to her stomach, letting tears spill out of her eyes. "He... He was killed. There! I said it!" She looked up. "Yeah! Take me! Let me join my baby! They kicked me out! Torture them, not me!" She was shouting now, and Magenta and Janet came running down the corridor.

"What's wrong with her?" Sonny fainted, and we propped her up against the wall. Janet sat with her.

"It's like me, when you killed Frank, except this was a real part of her." Sonny found Janet, and was sitting on the floor with her, and Janet was stroking her hair.

"This is horrible." Riff apparently heard the crying, and came down. We explained all of the things to everyone, and soon all the girls were crying, him comforting all of us, but like usual, not very well.. This went on until the mail carrier came, with a message. The old queen, who everyone had all but forgot about, had died. She claimed she would get her revenge, even if she was a spirit. She had gone a _little_ loopy. That was about midnight, and it's been about five hours now, and I still can't sleep. It is peaceful, watching everybody's breath go in and out. We had a "camp out" type thing, but all it really was is a mattress, some couch cushions, a few chairs, and about ten blankets. That got broken when everyone fell asleep, when they started moving around.

-Collie, who is saddened and terrified. At the same time.

A/N I wrote this chapter, with not even a **_clue_ **what I was capable of. This is a three part series. Let's see... There are surprises, music, babies, (a _fuckload_ of babies,) even more surprises, marriage, heartbreaks, even _more _surprises, (seriously... Half of these I was just too lazy to edit out, but whole plot themes wrapped around them.) horror, science fiction and, dare I say it? Sex. (She said in her best Richard voice in that radio commercial when he's purring, and you want to pounce on him?) He even says it himself! "If you don't go and see it, I will personally go around to your house, and pull you out by the scruff of the neck. I will belt you around the mouth, and mouth you around the belt. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

**I added like four chapters today, just to warn you.** Sorry for the confusion!


	23. Chapter 22

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to get used to the moon drenched shores. Everyone here is so... Light hearted. Don't care whether or whether not they do anything. Hardly any rules now since incest isn't frowned upon anymore. Of course, there is still murder and shit like that... I think... Anyway, awkward subject. Like, take the wedding for example. It's coming up soon, and they have to be really careful. They get about five or six assassination threats a day, so they just ignore most of them, but have guards. I've talked to some of the natives to this planet, people who have been here their entire life, and they said it wasn't this way with the old queen. The Big Furter, she was loved. Hardly any threats. But, when incest was allowed, they don't really like them that much.

I was over at Sonny and Janet's apartment, since they both need moral support, they live together. Earlier, it was... Interesting. "You do have a key right?" Sonny looked up at me, holding my massage table. That is how I have my income, because you have to have a degree work a lot of places here too! It's not fair. I'm pretty good, and they told me, since I just tried to massage both of them, and they said it was pretty good.

"No... Why do I need one?"

"In case you house sit... Or we need the dogs fed."

"Dogs?" I looked around, and I didn't see one.

"We're getting a dog breed, one from this galaxy, who doesn't need sun to... Function." She and Janet smirked, and I realized how heavy this table really is if you've stood with it for a while.

"Well, I'm coming tomorrow, as usual, can't you give it to me tomorrow?"

"Sure, whatever. I'm sure you have a guy waiting."

"I don't!"

"So it's a chick?" She smiled and lit a cigarette.

"It might be!" I laughed. "I gotta go bye!"

"Bye!" They retorted, before laughing, then stopping as Janet groaned.

"That little fucker!" Those were the last words I heard before I stepped into the hall, passing by a large window, which let the light of the moon fall in, like lace over a dress. Softly, not too overpowering. I barely stepped out into the street, when I saw it. It was beautiful, taller than anything I have ever seen. It looked like... A cherry tree. Except, the blossoms were pale white, like everything here, and it was tall. It must be one of the mutations they have here, that fed off the moonlight. I don't see how the fabrics are colored, because they have no color growing here. Is that how they dye clothes... I think so. When I got back to my house, Nellie was on the couch. With some guy. Who was unbuttoning Nellie's shirt. While he was shirtless himself.

"Columbia!" Nellie jumped up, knocking the coffee table. "This is... Um..."

"Never mind, I'm heading to my room. Lock the door next time. Or don't hook up on the couch... But whatever." I winked at her as I headed to my room. She blushed, but sat down on the guys lap again, and I locked my door. I went over to some of the technology they have here, a laptop, which is like a tiny... What do they call it on Earth... Computer..? But, They have this thing called "video chatting," which is like video calling, but you don't have to know the person's number. Just their "screen name." I called Nattie, just because I found gossip.

"Nattie!" I rang, as soon as she picked up.

"What... I'm... Busy." I noticed that she was wearing her robe. Ew...

''Oh, um, I see. Anyway, you'll never guess who is doing the same thing." She looked elated. She loved gossip as much as Nellie and I did. Genta... Not so much.

"Who! Tell me!"

"Well, I can just show you. Hold on." I ran over to my desk drawer, and pulled out this camera that you can attach to your computer. I picked up my thin as a sheet of paper computer, the camera, and sat it on the floor in front of the door. I noticed, as I was setting up the camera, that Nattie was laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Look down." I looked, and my tits had popped out again. This is the third time today. I need new clothes. I set up the camera, and I positioned it so it could see Nellie.

"Now, are you ready for the shock of your life, the virgin sacrifice?"

"Yes! Show me!"

I switched the cameras, and she gasped. "See!"

"No way, no one can get into that position!"

"Sure they can," said Cosmo, stepping into the shot. "I can show you now, if you want." He winked, and Nattie squealed.

"Gotta go! Bye!" She hung up, and I laughed. Then, for like an hour, I heard the giggles and moaning of Nellie and what's-his-name.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to go."

"Okay..." I then head kissing, and the door closed. "You can come out now!"

I sprang out and hugged her. "Are you a virgin!" It wasn't really a question.

"No! I belong here now!" I hugged her again.

"So, what's his name?"

"Fuck..."

I faked tears in my eyes. "I'm so proud."

"Shut up. So, was that your camera that was peeking out under your door?"

"I don't know, but what I do know is Nation is proud of you."

"My god, you didn't!"

"Oh, but I did. And you are very flexible, to say the least." She blushed, and hit my arm.

"Hey!"

"I do suggest, we go out and celebrate. Have you met my friends, Sonny and Janet?" It felt weird referring to Janet as my friend. But, whatever.

"I think I met Sonny. And isn't Janet the girl Frank..."

"Impregnated." She gasped, and I giggled.

"Did she have her baby?"

"No, apparently it takes a while for a cross bred baby to form."

"That long?"

"Apparently."

After about six hours of partying, and Janet sipping water, we made way to our houses.

-Collie

A/N Can you find a Clue reference? How about ROTOQ? **Edit 7/31/12:** I almost didn't post this! I uploaded chapter 23 instead of 22, but this is kind of just a filler anyway. It still needs to be there.


	24. Chapter 23

Dear Diary,

I felt like shit today. For a few hours, I didn't get out of bed, but I got out, walked into the living room, and found myself at Janet and Sonny's apartment, where Sonny was passed out on the couch, and Janet was in the kitchen, sipping water, cooking Transylvanian eggs.

"Hey Collie." Janet didn't even look up.

"What day is it today?"

"Sunday. Think about it. We would'a been in church."

"Probably. If Frank would of let me out of the castle."

"Oh yeah. He didn't let you guys out." She huffed.

"Not really. At first, it was fine, but when Eddie and I got together, which was about the time he started working on Rocky, he got all possessive. And now I kind of am a... Recovering addict."

"Really?" She turned to face me, and scraped the eggs out of the pan. "Of what?" She looked up at me. "I'm sorry, everyone seems to forget to ask people to sit. Want some eggs?"

"No I'm fine," I said sitting. "It was actually that drug that Frankie blasted us with. Or, should I say gas," I winked at her, and she blushed. "That he's landed. How did'e feed you your lines?"

"What?"

"Well, getting blasted by that drug almost weekly gave me the addiction, and when I was living there he gave me my lines. To the songs. How did he give you yours?"

"Oh, well, he didn't. I don't think. It's like I just knew what to sing, you know?"

"No... But I totally get you..." I said, awkwardly. "Hey." I said, changing the subject. "Do you have a call room?"

"Yeah... We do."

"Cool. Call me sometime. Like if something is wrong with Sonny, or the Sonny inside you. Or, if you just wanna talk."

"Do you really have to go?"

"Umm... Yes. Important... Business." I wasn't going to leave in the first place, but Janet can get annoying, so I thought it would be better to leave now.

"That you're not going to tell me about." She smiled. "Well, go!"

Since Janet kicked me out, I had nowhere to go but the castle, and back home. Guess where I went?

"Genta!" I was in the courtyard, under her balcony. "I'm bored!" She came out, but was hesitant. "Fix me food!"

"Why?" Her voice was flat, calm, but icy. It was very quiet.

"I'm coming up there!" I ran up, because I knew something was wrong. She was in her chambers, and was surrounded with books. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think Janet is with Frank's baby."

"What? Why?"

"Well, this book says it would be on the same terms of Riff's and I pregnant, five months."

"So? What does that mean."

"It's either Brad's, or someone she met on the street. How long ago did Brad die?"

"About..." I counted on my fingers. "Six months ago."

"And in these books, she would be two months pregnant."

"And?"

"You are letting me do all the talking today, hmm? That means this baby is a... Clients."

We practically ran over to Janet's, and told her the news. That she was false educated, and it was not his baby.

"Well, before I got pregnant, my last client, his name was Alston. I went to get fixed, but they said I was pregnant. I just told you guys that to not know that I was... Employed."

"I can tell a hooker from a mile away." We all looked at Genta, but she meant what she said.

"Okay... But his name was Alston, he was kind of on the chubby side. He looked like he had just been dumped, but it's not my job to talk."

"Nice." Sonny winked at Janet.

"You know, I am your legal guardian, so watch what you say about me."

"You're like twenty years older than me. So what?"

"Never mind that, Janet, how far along are you?"

"About four months."

"See. She's already fat."

As of then, Janet promptly slapped Sonny, and we went on talking, while Sonny held ice to her face. Janet has about five months left, whoopie. And if this is anything like Genta's she will stab us. And will dance on our dead bodies. And then give birth on our faces.

-Collie

A/N I'm really sorry, Janet had to get pregnant by someone named Alston's baby. I was held at Nerf gun point. My friend, Jill, who is Janet, came over to learn her lines, and read my fan fiction. She wanted to kill the baby if it wasn't his. Or Brad, but Brad was killed off, so it had to be a client. But I have a plan. Don't worry... **Edit 7/31/12: **HA! I'm glad the story does what is does, Jill, I'm sorry you broke up with him, but he's an ass! If you've read Revenge Of The Old Queen, you know how this is going to work out. If you haven't, why the **_fuck_ **are you reading this? Go! Now! Smiley face! Oh, I was talking to a Redditor from New Zealand last night. Well, night for me, afternoon for them. They told me how horrible Hamilton is. Let me see if I can find a comment... I'll just put our entire conversation. This is pretty weird. (I'm MagentaVitus, they're ZOMGROFLCOPTER.) TIL means Today I Learned.

**MagentaVitus** _2 points 15 hours ago_

Either of these three places. France, because I can say, "Yes. It's raining." Japan, because I can speak a little Japanese. Or New Zealand. Hamilton, specifically. Why? Giant statue of Richard O'Brien in heels.

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER** _2 points 14 hours ago_

TIL there is actually a person on earth who would voluntarily move to Hamilton. Or, as we call it sarcastically here in NZ, _The Tron_

**MagentaVitus** _1 point 14 hours ago_

You live there?

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER** _1 point 13 hours ago_

In Hamilton? HAHAHA! You couldn't PAY me to move there, and it's only a few hours drive away from the city I live in

**MagentaVitus** _1 point__ 13 hours ago_

I'm starting to think that you don't like Hamilton. Why?

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER** _1 point 13 hours ago_

Hamilton is the butt of many jokes here in NZ - here, it's not considered somewhere you would move to unless you _had_ to.

Comparison wise, we joke about Hamilton the way Americans joke about say, Alabama, or similar.

EDIT: for clarification - one of the main jokes is that the city "slogan" was 'City of the Future', so people then referred to it sarcastically as Hamiltron (I called it 'The Tron' above) - because of the complete irony of a city which most NZ'ers consider to be completely boring and backward thinking being referred to as that.

**MagentaVitus** _1 point 13 hours ago_

I understand why I want to go now! I'm from North Carolina, still the butt of jokes! It all makes sense now!

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER **_1 point__ 13 hours ago_

Lets put it another way - untill recently, Hamilton was considered (and I mean, officially/statistically) Chlamydia Capital of NZ.

**MagentaVitus** 1 point 13 hours ago

I find myself trying to restrain very strong laughter trying not to wake my family.

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER **_1 point__ 13 hours ago_

However, in saying that, if you like that sort of thing - Hamilton might absolutely be the City of Your Future...

**MagentaVitus** _1 point 13 hours ago_

... I'll think about it. In telling one of my friends this, she will be on my doorstep with her bags packed and two plane tickets.

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER** _1 point 13 hours ago_

They also have a V8 car race there (the young-male contingent who support this sort of thing are referred to as 'boy racers' - and that is not a compliment here) where you can drink the disgusting local beer (Waikato Draught), spew indiscriminately onto the foothpath after too many and engage in any number of other white-trashy pastimes with the locals.

EDIT: It's actually the complete opposite of a town that would have supported the Rocky Horror vision back when he was there, FYI.

**MagentaVitus** _1 point 12 hours ago_

That's sounds like the ideal place for her.

And I, knowing nothing about Hamilton except its Wikipedia page, did not know that.

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER **_1 point__ 12 hours ago_

Another soul saved!

**MagentaVitus** _1 point 12 hours ago_

My friends are going to laugh SO much when they find out the city that erected a statue of my idol has been known as the Chlamydia Capital of NZ.

**ZOMGROFLCOPTER **_1 point__ 12 hours ago_

You are very, very welcome

So. This is what I do late at night. Well, midnight. Oh, and on an unrelated not, this conversation also made me laugh _way _more than it should. You need to say this out loud. The first one of the reply, I imagine, is a whimsical British man. The second one is a slightly annoyed British lady. (I'm still MagentaVitus, they're Animated_Imagination.) And I'm sorry this turned out to be really really long.

**MagentaVitus** _2 points 23 hours ago_

My neighbors have a few gumball machines in their living room, filled with decorative glass stones.

**Animated_Imagination** _3 points 13 hours ago_

"Look Margaret, I have received a red decorative stone!"

"Marvelous, dear! Put it with your grey, white, and black decorative stones."


	25. Chapter 24

Dear Diary,

It's about a week since I wrote you last, I apologize. I usually update you about every two or three days, but I kind of lost you. I found you under the bathroom sink! A lot has happened since then, too. We found out the old queen died. Before, when she "died," it was fake. This time, we attended an open coffin funeral. Only the royal court and shit were invited. I felt special, because I was invited too. Until I realized, I was part of the royal court. Yeah. Apparently, I have a job that has been done for me by Cosmo, and they just told me. I am supposed to make dresses, and clothes and shit. I don't know how to, but I got lessons. Let's just say that wasn't fun.

"And this is how you turn it on." Cosmo looked up from the sewing machine, to find me filing my nails. "Ansalong, goddammit!"

"What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. You remind me so much of her, personality wise. And you look a lot like her."

"She is my first cousin, after all."

"Well, this is how you turn it on. The people wear mostly black, but some wear brighter colors. The wardrobe for the castle, is, of course, the spaceman uniforms that I believe you saw when you were beamed back here, correct?" I nodded. "Good! Now, they are made mostly of gold lamé, but we have other materials."

Needless to say, he will still be supervising me in the sewing room. Janet was wrong before, she has about five months more. It's been... Interesting. She eats like a pig. And she is so ditzy.

"Well what do you take them for?" Janet and I were sitting in my house, with me fixing breakfast.

"They're allergy pills."

"And?"

"Allergies." I wouldn't make fun of it at first. If that wasn't the second time she had asked me.

And when Janet finally met Cosmo and Nattie again, that didn't go so well.

"Well, Janet. Do you remember Cosmo and... What did you call him, Mac?" We were at Cosmo and Nattie's place, with Genta and Nellie too.

"Yeah. It's been a while."

"I think the last time you were fully conscious when we spoke is when you were a bitch, and Nation spiked your drink." He put his hand on Nattie's thigh.

"Oh, are you two... Like..." She twisted her fingers together.

"Yes we are. Are you, like, a prostitute!" She was mocking her tone. "Who got knocked up by her client!" Nattie was standing up now.

Cosmo whispered something in Nattie's ear, and she broke down crying on the couch.

Janet started talking, and Genta went to comfort Janet. "I feel a little unwelcome here, but I neve-"

"You are unwelcome here! Go!" Genta started patting Nattie's back, and Nattie put her head on Cosmo's shoulder. He smiled.

"Please, keep talking Janet. Nation has gone into... A depression."

"I never really realized how much Magenta and Nation looked alike. And if Columbia had normal hair, she would look like..." She looked over to Nellie.

"Nell Ansalong, I believe you only heard Nurse Ansalong." Janet nodded.

After the awkward conversations, everyone left except Genta and I.

"What were you crying about, Nattie?"

"I can't... I can't say it." She looked up at Genta.

"She can't have children."

"What?" I looked at her in shock.

"Well, brothers and sisters have a lower chance at getting pregnant than regular lovers do, and her having a misshapen uterus lowers it dramatically. She just... Can't have kids. She has to adopt, or have a surrogate."

"I - I want to have it look like Cosmo and I. I feel odd asking this... But... Could one of you have it?"

"I would." I spoke up without even thinking. I would do anything for these people. Except maybe Janet...

"Really? Collie doesn't seem like one to do something like this." I forgot that Cosmo was there. And he didn't call me Columbia. I guess being around Nattie opens him up. He is a rather... Awkward, spazzy man.

"Please. She loves us." Nattie looked up at him and smirked.

"Would you really do something like that?" Genta looked at me in disbelief, and I nodded.

"Really. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she would do the same for me."

Long story short, I have a spawn of Cosmo and Nation inside me now. As soon as the doctor said I was pregnant, and Nattie knew because she comes to every appointment, I am suppose to report to their house at least once a day. Sometimes staying the night. She says it's her "duty" to fix food for me, get maternity clothes, even though I'm not even showing.

-Collie, who will be multiplied by two in about five months.

A/N I went baby crazy. And I put Magenta in here, cause she hadn't been in in a while. I think I'm going to bring her and the twins over to Nattie's soon. So that's going to be... Two from Genta, one from Janet, and one to Nattie. And you know what I realized, since I write what comes to mind, and not even think? That Columbia and Janet will have the babies at about the same time... Interesting... Commence evil laughter. **Edit 7/31/12: **If only I knew that I would continue writing everything spur of the moment, and beautiful comes from it. And a lot of hurt feelings. Another thing. To prove my pride to my Mum yesterday, I drank a quarter of a plastic cup worth of soy sauce, and didn't vomit, like she and my grandmother were saying. So, now comes to the question. Any Australian people reading? If so, what does Vegemite taste like? I've seen a whales vagina, and salty hell. I told my mother I could deal with salt, and that lead to the soy sauce. I mean, I'm going to eat it. I bought twenty-two dollars worth of that shit, I'm going to eat it if it kills me. I also bought a shirt with Magenta.


	26. Chapter 25

Dear Diary,

Janet is... Unhappy. When she found out I was... With child, she asked with whom.

"Nattie."

"What?"

"I am with Nattie and Cosmo's child. They just put fertilized eggs inside me."

"No way! You only have five months!"

"Actually, about four months now."

"Really? You got pregnant about a month ago and you have as much time as I do left."

"Yeah. I know. I'm a bitch."

"I'll say." We both had a pretty good laugh.

She's still mad at me, and I'm showing about as much as she is now, so I guess it is good for Nattie to buy me maternity clothes. And... That's really all that has happened that is worth mentioning.

-Collie

A/N A short chapter... You know what that means... A letter from another person! It is kind of depressing... And I WILL post this one. Definitely. It had no mature scenes. And the first part, I wrote she asked with who, and google docs corrected it to she asked with whom. I heard Ross from Friends screaming at me. **Edit 8/7/2012: **Damn it! I forgot about this letter! I have to go trough the guidelines again... I don't want to! It has now been posted in oneshot form.


	27. Chapter 26

Dear Diary,

Nattie, if you read my diary, that letter touched my heart. Genta, if she doesn't, tell her. I feel weird telling you to do that, Genta. And when you came to Natties house with the twins today, it was worth filming.

"It's almost Christmas."

"We don't really celebrate Christmas here."

"What!" I got up from where I was laying down.

"We just... Don't." Nattie and I were sitting in their living room, while Cosmo was doing my work at the castle.

"Really?"

"Never have before."

"You will celebrate Christmas this year."

"Why?"

"Because I will keep the baby and teleport to Mexico!"

"Okay. One, I'm pretty sure that's kidnapping, two, you don't know how to speak Spanish, and three, you wouldn't do that."

"Uno de ellos, le he dado a luz, dos, estoy hablando derecha española actual, y tres, usted sabe que yo lo haría."

"I don't know what that means."

"Really? Well what languages can you speak?" I was pissed off, but it was just the hormones.

"Well, English, German, Arabic, Greek, Hebrew, Hindi, Portuguese, and let me say, that's just what we learned in South Africa... Umm... Swiss, French, Italian... I think that's it..."

"Well, I speak French, German, and Italian. So, Un, j'ai donné naissance à elle, deux, je parle droite espagnole maintenant, et trois, tu sais que je le ferais. Eines habe ich zur Welt sie, zwei gegeben, ich Spanisch sprechen gerade jetzt, und drei, wissen Sie, ich würde. E, si, ho partorito, due, parlo lo spagnolo in questo momento, e tre, tu sai che io farei." I smiled, and Nation dropped her jaw.

"Umm... Yes. You will give birth to the baby, so it might not be kidnapping. That's very impressive language skills."

"Thank you. Maintenant, fixez-moi un peu de soupe."

"What kind of soup?" She got up and trotted to the kitchen.

"I don't know, but put meat in it."

She peeked her head out. "But aren't you a vegetarian?"

"What can I say, she wants meat." Oh! Diary, I forgot to tell you. The baby is a girl. Pale skin, red hair, green eyes. She loves animals, and should be no taller than Nattie, at about 5'6. Max weight, about 140. She won't be that big, and have fairly large breasts. Most likely, she will be straight, but we will have to see. So, Scarlet. Nice name.

"Well, she takes after us." Genta burst through the door, with the twins in a carriage. "Oh!" Nattie ran over before Genta got through the door, and she swooped up the babies. "Hey! It's Auntie Nation!"

"Now you're the kidnapper!" Genta burst out laughing as she took the babies back. "You'll celebrate Christmas, right Genta?"

"I don't really want to... I'm not comfortable with them worshiping a cartoon character... But maybe Janet is Jewish...?"

"What?"

"Wasn't her last name Weiss?"

"What?"

"You know... I'm gonna tell you once, not gonna tell you twice, you better wise up, Janet Weiss?"

"Oh yeah! I remember! But she's not Jewish, and is Weiss even a Jewish name?"

"I think so." Just then, Nattie handed me my soup. It looked like it had some sort of their chicken, veggies, and steak.

"Oh my god thank you!" I scarfed it down. "I'm turning into Janet, aren't I?"

"Yeah..." Nattie picked up the babies. "But I won't put bad things in the air, with these beauties in here!"

"What the - um... F - u - c - k?"

"Oh that's nice. Are you not going to cuss around the bab-" Nell burst in, putting up her umbrella.

"Hi! I'm sorry I'm late, but it started raining."

"So, as I was saying, I've seen everyone naked, except Nell." Genta turned to her, after giving me a wink. "Oh, hey Nell."

"Only a few people have seen me nude, and I intend to keep it that way."

"Really? Who?"

"Well, I know Nat and Columbia have, since Columbia filmed me having sex!"

"I didn't film you! I was video chatting with Nattie!" I stood up defensively.

"PLEASE DON'T SAY SEX IN FRONt OF THE BABIES!" Nattie stood up now.

"Who did you do it with, you never did tell me his name."

"Remember Ricky? I beamed him here, cause I was a little tipsy, and we did it. Simple as that. But, I didn't expect to be filmed."

"So, they have seen you nude. At least let me see you topless."

"Fine. Nattie, bring the babies to your room." Nattie put them in there, and came back out. Nellie started unbuttoning the top of her dress, it looked similar to the ones she wore at Dentonvale. "Wait... Aren't you married?"

"On New Year's. Strip."

Nellie sighed, and unbuttoned her dress down to her belt. She sighed and undid her bra. "Happy?"

"Very. You can cover up now."

"Oh can I?"

"Yes, isn't that what I just said?"

-Collie, who is looking forward to Christmas, even if I have to knock them out.

A/N 8/7/12 Okay. This has a oneshot too. But I'm posting that next week, unless it has popular demand. It's Chritmassy and mushy. I was happy when I wrote it. Now... Not so much.

On a side note, I got my hair cut today. For the first time more than an inch. A real inch, not a hairdresser's. A bunch of my hair was on the floor. I was sad. But I wanted my short hair.


	28. Christmas!

A/N In the month before Christmas, all around the house, Columbia was convincing everyone to celebrate, even a... Mouse, I am a shitty rymer. Yes! Christmas is here, months early! Or late, depending on your opinion. I really would love to share this with you! This is Columbia's POV, as usual. I was feeling in the holiday mood, so I wrote this. Merry whatever the hell day it is today! **Edit 8/17/12: **And then she realized no one has a fucking clue why this is late! My computer got a horse. I don't know what that means, but it cost me eighty three fucking dollars. I'm not that happy. ANd then Shake It Up came on, and I got a major confidence boost, so I posted that. Yeah. Three things in one day... Eep! On a happy note, Christmas!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ .~.~.~.

Christmas is here! And after I convinced Genta and Nattie to celebrate, Riff and Cosmo were forced. Nellie and Janet were fine with it, and Janet forced Sonny to come. We are celebrating it in the castle, after a long debate. This is what Genta said.

"Now, subjects. I know, most of us are Atheists, we don't celebrate Christmas. But, I think we should. The holidays are a time of family and friends. And gifts. If you people have been to Earth, they celebrate this there. And, they give free gifts. Most people don't even realize it as a religious holiday. So please, join Riff Raff and all our friends to celebrate."

Turns out, they did. And now, I ran around the halls, getting the last minute decorations done. There won't be a film crew, but this is most of their first Christmases so I had to make it count. And I did. Genta and Riff were in the living room with Pat and Ciffa. Those are what we call them now. Nattie and Cosmo were the first to arrive. I ran down the hall, but Nattie stopped me.

"Hey! Don't run! You may hurt the baby!"

I laughed and walked them to the living room, where they waited. Nellie was next to arrive, with Ricky in tow. They said their hellos, and headed to the living room. The last to arrive was Janet.

"Sonny is in position, right?" I whispered to her.

"You know I don't approve of this, but yes."

"I would do it if I weren't so fat. You're a good actress, right?"

"Yep. And I know my lines this time."

"Good. Let's move in." We walked to the living room, where Nattie and Cosmo were googling over Pat and Ciffa, and Nellie and Ricky were chatting with Genta and Riff. "Janet's here!"

"But Sonny was sick, so I had to leave her home."

"Well, that's a shame." Genata stood up now. "We all agreed to only give each other one present, right?" We all agreed. "And we can only say words of thanks, if you want to say something else, the person has to leave you a note, but you have the choice to respond to the note. Okay? Good. We have names to pull out to see who goes first. They have the names of individuals in the hat. Janet doesn't want to go." The order was Nellie, Riff, Cosmo, Genta, me, Ricky, Nattie. "Nell, you're first. The order picked is the order you give gifts, so Riff, give her your gift."

Riff gave her a uniform. "Umm, thanks?" She found the note in the bottom. "Nell Ansalong, you have been invited to join the royal court." She read it out loud. "Thank you!" Cosmo gave her a custom made dress. "Aww, thanks Mac!" Genta gave her a whip. "Thanks Genta. We'll use it." She winked at Ricky, and he shuffled around in his seat. My turn. I got her a lottery ticket. "Ohh, million jackpot!" She scratched it off, and she screeched. "Oh my god!" She jumped up. "I won." She flipped it over. "Okay, claiming instructions. Winning tickets of ten-thousand or more must submit a claim form by mail. Claim forms are supplied by yo' mama. All winning tickets must be validated by the tooth... Fairy and conform to her game rules... Winning prizes may not be claimed anywhere, and all winners are losers. Columbia? I hate you." I had to explain why she shouldn't kill me in my sleep, when she just said, "Ricky! Your turn!" He gave her a bracelet, and she teared up. "Thank you." She started kissing him, and Nattie hit her thigh. "Sorry, Nat." Nattie gave her something in a paper bag. Nellie looked inside, and had a serious look in her eye. "I won't smoke it around Columbia, I promise." We all kind of looked at Nattie. "Guys! I'm kidding. It's just a little... fishnetty. But I suppose we can use it with the whip." Why must siblings have the kinkyest sex lives... "So, Riff, it's your turn."

Riff sat up a little more, and Nellie gave him his gift. "A... Ukulele... Okay... Thank you." Cosmo just got him some book on the brain. "Thank you, Cosmo." It was Genta's turn, but all she did was whisper something in his ear. "Columbia. You next." I got him a giant bath bomb. "What?" I explained to him how if you drop it in a bucket of water, it will fill a whole room with suds. "Oh, umm... Thank you." Ricky gave him enough tranquilizer to knock out a horse, and Riff wasn't happy. Nattie gave him a unwrapped box. "Do not read this outloud." He skimmed over the note. "Really? Thank you." Genta tried to look at the note. "No. You can look at the note when it is your turn. Cosmo?"

Cosmo sat up as Riff sat down, almost in sync. Nell gave him a fire extinguisher, Riff gave him an invitation to the royal court, Genta gave him some baby supplies, I gave him some dress designs, Ricky gave him a camera, and Nattie gave him a tie. He felt it, and it had a note inside. He widened his eyes. "Thank you all. Magenta?"

She was practically jumping up and down. I remembered I gave her Earthling coffee, and that is so much stronger than it is here. "I want to say thank you in advance, in case I crash during this." Nell got her a really high heel, like ten inch, Riff a box of chocolate, Cosmo made her a dress, I gave her a ribbon, which she was to see what was for later, Ricky got her a camera, and Nattie ran out of the room, coming back with a box. Genta opened it, and squeaked. "Is that a puppy? Thank you! There's a note in the bottom... My darling sister, this is not all Nation's idea, this is all of ours. However, only Columbia, Nell, and Nation got you things for the dog. Her name is Stilletto." I pulled out a dog tag and put it on the ribbon. Magenta tied it around the dog's neck. "Thank you." She started hugging the dog, and the puppy yelped. "Columbia?"

Yay, my turn. Nell got me one of those things to keep the wind from going under your door, with a note that read, 'So you can't peek.' Riff got me another diary, Genta must have told him I needed a new one. Didn't you Genta? Cosmo made me a dress, and it was so pretty! Genta gave me, like, the best gift ever. It was a makeup box, absolutely full of makeup and hair dye. And it was huge, almost as big as my dresser. I could tell she went to Earth too, but used her powers to get free things. Ricky gave me a camera, like he gave everyone except Riff... Weird... Then, Nattie gave me a note saying 'I had no idea what to get you, so please, accept this check. It should cover all of the pain of childbirth, and the pain of carrying Scarlet.' Under the note, it was a check for twenty five thousand. "Wow... Thank you, all of you." I felt a tiny kick. "And apparently Scarlet says thanks too." Nattie rushed over and put her hands on my stomach, just in time to feel a kick. "Ricky?"

Ricky's gifts were... Weird. We all agreed to get him cameras, except Nell, who got him a gerbil. "Umm... Thank you guys... I love the camera's, and I love... The way his fur settles." Nell smiled. She has no idea how to give a good gift. "And lastly, Nation?"

The same with Ricky, we all gave Nation one gift, because that's all she wanted. Baby supplies. Except from me. "Now, I'm saying thank you, so I'm not breaking the rules. Columbia, you will have given me all the gift I can ask for in three months, I can't take these." She hugged me.

I winked at Janet. "The gifts are over now, you can speak. But Janet, are you sure you don't want gifts?"

"NO! I JUST WISH SONNY WAS HERE!" She ran over to the chimney, and gasped. "Do you hear that?" She moved out of the way of Sonny, who had swapped her purple hair for a white wig and beard, and a santa suit.

''Ho, ho, ho!" Nell laughed and laughed, while Genta just stared in disbelief.

"Sonny!"

"I am not Sonny, please call me Santa." She laughed and jiggled her fake belly.

"Are you sure you're not an elf?"

"Now Nation, do you want to be on my naughty list or my nice list?"

"Nice..." She looked at Cosmo for help.

"Santa! Did you bring gifts?"

"I don't know baldy do you see a sack?" Sonny had dropped her Santa accent, but picked it back up. "Sorry, I mean, yes, do you not see my sack? Ho ho ho!" She walked over to Ciffa and Pat, who had no idea what was going on. "I only have gifts for the children, and the expecting mothers. So Janet and Nation, get your jolly asses over here." We all laughed, and Genta followed Janet and Nation, to get their babies' gifts.


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Diary,

Christmas came and went, and the wedding is approaching quickly. Like today, Genta, Nellie, Nattie and I were shopping for frocks. Cosmo was there too, but he was just there to him and give advice and shit. I found a cute one that was labeled maternity, and we all found similar ones. They went down to everyone's knees, but Nell could not stand that. She had Cosmo hem it when she bends over, she flashes people. Genta just made her get some undies that matched.

"How does this look?" Genta ran out, Cosmo in tow.

"You're going to rip the dress!"

She stopped . "This is my dream dress, I don't want to rip it." It was over the shoulder, with a blood red ribbon around the hips. It matched our bridesmaid frocks, except ours had a black ribbon around our hips, and the body was red. Her dress body was white, which was unusual here. Well, in clothing anyway.

"Than let he make this one last alteration, and..." He ducked under her dress, and we could hear him humming. Nattie and I giggled a little, Nell was checking herself out in the mirror, and Genata blushed. He came back from under her gown. "Done!" Magenta hugged him.

"Ow! Fuck! G- Get me something so it doesn't drip! Hurry!" Cosmo sighed, and got her a loose scrap of fabric to cover the bleeding prick that the needle poked.

"You're beautiful, but get that off." I walked to Genta, and almost on cue, Nattie walked up to Cosmo, and kissed him.

I got into the dressing room, and we slipped Genta's dress off, making sure not to mess with the pins. "I love this, but I don't know?"

"About what?" I looked up from some of the bridal magazines, and she sighed.

"About... Marrying him in public. Because I know my parents will be there... Well, not my father. Maybe my mother, and her sister. They were always okay with us. Well, most of the time. Except, my mother didn't really like it when we kissed, but she was okay with holding hands. And saying I love you and shit. If I even looked at Riffy while dad was around, he would smack us both. I mean, the people know we are sibling lovers, but it still seems like I'm an outcast. Like highschool all over again."

_In highschool, It was pretty good for me. I dropped out of school, and went on tour with one of Eddie's favorite bands. He told me them, when I called him last, and I listened to their music, and I was in love. I could pull off as eighteen, so I went backstage, after I bought a pass with my stolen money my aunt left. She was my only source of money, so she gave me some rather illegal money._

_"Cole, right?"_

_I said, as I entered the backroom, as I was lead in by a tall blonde. "That's me."_

_Life was easy on the road. I tapped for their entertainment, which I knew a little from when I was younger. Sure, they were pedofiles for sleeping with me at fifteen, but they loved it. Until they got drunk one night, and they were always mean when they were, but that one night, they pushed me over the edge. They screamed at me, we were in the bus, but I got off anyway. I was walking on the road for about two days, and it was early spring, so it was cold at night. In the early morning of the third night, I was awoken by a car. I was fairly away from the road, so no one could hit me. "Lady?" I jumped up, frightened. "Do you need a lift?" I was backing away now. "Listen, I won't hurt you." I noticed his accent, and smiled. _

_I walked up to his car slowly. "Hello. What's your name?"_

_"My name is Frank. Come in." I rounded the other side of the car, and I got in. All I had was my bag, which I managed to cram a little water into it when I ran. I got to the car, and he smiled reassuringly. "What is your name?"_

_"Laura Campbell." I thought for a while. "Columbia. Columbia Campbell. Excuse me, at first, I gave you my fake name._

_"I see you notice my outfit."_

_"It doesn't really affect me, I've seen a lot weirder people on the roads."_

_"Really? How old are you?" We were driving now, and it was smooth, not like the bus, where I swear the driver hit everything he could._

_"Well, I didn't celebrate my birthday, but I'm sixteen. I told then I was eighteen, but they said I had the face of a twenty-five year old."_

_"Sixteen? Well, you'll fit in well here."_

_"What?" He looked at me._

_"I'll explain later." He drove up to the gate, which had a sign that said "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" painted on it big, black letters. We drove up the medium drive, and I got a look at the breathtaking castle. It was the early morning, but the sun was starting to come up. I'd say it was about six. "My staff is about your age, but they look older. I am a little harsh, I will admit, but not harsh enough that the poor twenty year old should be balding. I don't think they eat. You will be rooming with the maid, I apologize for that, but I don't think that will be a problem, she is usually not in there. And, I hope you ll spend some time in my room, too. I'm twenty, but I will treat you right." He picked a bit of my hair. "We might need to fix that. He parked next to the big stone doors, and I saw a balding, blonde man._

_"What's his name?" I had opened the door, and Frank walked to catch me._

_"Raft something."_

_"Riff Raff, master. Is this your newest... Toy?"_

_"No. She is not. This is Columbia." But the question wasn't aimed for him, it was aimed for me._

_"Can he go get the maid?" I turned to Frank. "I would like to make sure that she won't kill me in my sleep or something." _

_"If she killed you, I'd kill her." But he turned anyway. "Go get Magenta." Riff walked in silence, and came back with her._

_"What do you want I told you I had to dust the-" But she stopped when she saw me. "Hello, Miss. She curtsied. Are you one of Frank s new groupies?"_

_"Yes!" I was bouncing up and down now. "I'm Columbia!"_

_"Well, it's nice to know we won't be alone as your staff, Frank."_

_"But, you will be. She will be rooming with you, Magenta, but not helping around the house. It's lonely here, since you won't let me into your pants. And I'm sure that you will like having a part where you don't ultimately have to expose your breasts at every moment." She snarled and backed to Riff Raff. "Don't be so uptight. And he can't protect you all the time." He turned back me. _

_"So, Genta, looks like I'll be rooming with you. But are there anymore staff?"_

_"Ooh, Genta, I like that. I'm sure we can explain over dinner, right Genta?"_

_"Yes master." She said through clenched teeth, and Frank obviously noticed._

_"But please, take her up to her room and fit her with hygiene products... Dark pink, or bright red, whichever we have more of. Oh! Mix them together, see what that color is."_

_"Yes master." She grabbed me by the hand, and led me in the door. She led me up the stairs, but the lift was right beside us. "Excuse me, Frank says we can't use the lift unless he is with us or we have visitors. I know that he wouldn't approve of me using it now, so we are to take the stairs." We made our way up, her showing me Frank's bedroom, the zen room, the dinning room, the lab, and our room. "The bathroom is over there, let me get you a chest." The chest had body wash, face wash, shampoo, conditioner, hair dyes, makeup, and a bunch of other shitty items like colored contacts."If you need help, call me on the video monitor. And don't use your contacts, they are the same color as your eyes. He loves that color. Consider yourself lucky." I didn't really know what the color of my eyes were, but I just nodded. After about two hours, my hair was a different color, and Magenta had cut it short, like Frank told her to. I had a short pixie cut, and I was pink all over, because I had been waxed and scrubbed all over. I had shed a few layers of skin, and about a foot of hair. Magenta put my make-up on carefully, and explained that when a new groupie came, it was the maid's job to fix her up. I got into my outfit, a sequined buster, striped shorts, and a gold tail jacket and top hat. I also had fishnets, which my mother had introduced me to when I was younger, so it wasn't anything new. "Perfect." She stepped back, and admired her work._

_I couldn't even tell what dinner was, so I just cut it into smaller bites. "I believe you would tell me why they are here?" I looked up at Frank, and he dropped his cutlery._

_"Does she know?"_

_"No, I haven't told her."_

_"Why not!" Frank said, getting in Genta's face, who was standing behind him._

_"How am I supposed to tell her? 'I hope you don't mind but we are aliens!'"_

_"Yes." He said, sitting down._

_"Miss," she said sitting down beside me, ignoring the glare from Frankie. "We are... Aliens. From Transexual, Transylvania. If you notice how he dresses, that's the norm. Well, not exactly norm, but you see a lot of people there dressed like him."_

_"So... You guys... Are aliens?"_

_"Yes. I hope this doesn't bother you."_

_"No, it bothers me that your staff refers to me as Ma'am, or Miss."_

_"Genta. Riff Raff. Call her Columbia."_

_And that was it about aliens, until Frank met Eddie, he knocked him out, and stole his brain._

I had to learn my lines to the floor shows, and my solo in their anthem, the Time Warp. For Brad and Janet, I just was sad when I sang when doctor Scott did, but the floor show, I knew it by heart. This went on for what... Four years? I don't really know...

-Collie


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Diary,

The wedding went great, I'm sitting here, with the now Mrs. Magenta Vitus. All that changed was her title...

I could only tell you what happened before and after the wedding, the wedding itself is too touching. Probably becasue Magenta couldn't officiate her own wedding.

"Are you ready?" I was holding Genta's hands. I was the other only bridesmaid, because we decided that Nattie would hold the train, and Nellie would bring in the babies as tiny flower girls.

"No. My dad came, but he's drinking. My mother said she would keep him under control, but you never know."

"He will be happy for his daughter and his son."

"He won't be, and you know it."

"Yes he will. If not, the crowd will love the joining of the king and queen."

"Whatever."

"Well, if it isn't litt-little Columbia."

"Hello Mister Vitus." I stood up and extended my hand, and when he took a step closer, he reeked of spirits so bad, it almost made me vomit. "How are you?"

"Drunk as a kangaroo."

"I believe the term is skunk, father."

"I'm not happy with you. But, I want to be royalty, so come on."

"Mother always loved me better."

"Yes, she did. But, get up." She got up, and we were both surprised what he said next. "You... You look pretty good."

"Thank you. I have been waiting a long time for you to say that." She hugged him.

The wedding was beautiful, and it flowed into the party perfectly.

"Well, I guess really we did it, huh?"

"Well there's no doubt about that, you and Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in Doctor Scott's refresher course."

We burst out laughing at this, from where we had bugged the church to pick up people to... Pretty much prostitute. "Well, we have an after party."

"Yeah, you do, don't you? Well, go up there! Sing your ass off!" The baby kicked. "Okay! Butt! Sing your butt off! You're just like your mother!"

They went up to the podium. As they looked into each other's eyes, they started to sing. "It's astounding, time is fleeting. Madness... Takes it's toll, but listen closely. Not for very much longer. I've got to... Keep control." They looked at us now, and I gave her five fingers up, which is a good luck on this planet. "I remember doing the Time Warp... Drinking, those moments when... The blackness would hit me, and the void would be calling..." Now here comes the point we all sing and dance to.

"Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again! It's just a jump to the left." And we did. "Then a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ight, with your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight, but it's the pelvic thrust, that really drive you insa-a-a-a-a-ane!" I fell into the arms of some guy, because I slipped. "Let's do the time warp again, let's do the Time Warp again!"

He leaned down, and whispered in my ear. "Why don't we head over here, where it's a little more quiet." We walked to the tables, but Genta gave me a weird look, but kept singing. I gave her a thumbs up, an Earth gesture, so she would know I'm okay. She nodded. We heard the chorus again, but we didn't sing. "My name is Edward, Sr." I started humming.

"When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink, he shook-a-"

"Excuse me?"

"My god, I'm so sorry. I'm Columbia."

"Not by chance... Were you born on Earth, but were a Tranny's groupie?"

"Yes... Why?"

"I came here to find you. Did you know Edward Junior... Eddie?"

"Ye-yes. Why?"

"I was trying to find him. Do you know where he might be?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, where did he go?"

"To pieces."

"What?"

"To pieces. He was killed."

"What! Why?"

"What do you mean why! He was killed. What else is there?"

"When?"

"About a year ago."

"How come I was never told?"

"I didn't know you. I assume I knew your brother, Doctor Scott." I stood up. "And he knew because we ate Eddie's ass!" I stormed away, back into the crowd, where Genta and Riff were just finishing the kiss.

I was into the crowd, clapping, when he touched my shoulder. "Columbia! Listen to me."

"What!"

"I- I don't know. I'm just... Upset."

"Why? Because the only one you ever loved was hacked to death by a mad scientist who also happened to be the one who owns you?"

"What's going on here?"

"My queen." Edward bowed. "How are you?"

"I'm very well. Who are you?"

"I assur-"

"Who are you!"

"My queen, I am Edward Sr. I am Eddie's father." He turned to me. "Now, what about your master?"

"We killed him. Nothing to worry about. We fried his ass with a laser."

"Well, thank you. And thank you," he kissed my hand, and I laughed like when Farley did it, "for taking care of his short life."

"I see where Eddie got his charms from, Edward."

"You can call me Eddie." His weak attempt to flirt with me was laughable.

"I'd prefer Edward, but thank you." I took out a pen. I can write backwards pretty well, so I thought it would go to good use. "This is my number, and this is the mother to my baby." He looked confused.

"Oh, so you're... A lesbian?"

"Well, we were married for a while." I glared at Genta.

"I'm a surrogate." I finished writing on his face. "Now, look in the mirror, and you will see the numbers. If I'm not at the first one, or if a girl named Nell answers, call the second number. If someone named Nation or Cosmo answers, ask for Columbia." I smiled, and he shook his head. "I look forward to seeing you again, Edward." I kissed his cheek.

As he walked away, Riff came up to Genta and I. "Who was that?" He kissed her frizzy head.

"Eddie's father. But don't worry, I think he's okay."

-Collie

A/N Mum, I'm going to kill you. Have fun sleeping tonight, mummy!


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Diary,

Well, I meet up more with Edward, and It was interesting. While I was at Nattie's one day, he called and talked to Nellie. She invited him over, and they were sitting there when I came in.

"Really? She stole it from you?" They were both laughing.

"And I never saw it again, but it wasn't really that bad, because one of our old friends, she said her top came down at camp, I just wish she got pictures. Of course back then, they were on Earth, so they would be black and white."

"Hello?"

"Oh! Columbia! How are you." It wasn't really even a question. "I've been getting acquainted with Nell here." She nodded her head.

"Oh! Edward, how are you?"

"Well, Nell was just telling me about the time at camp where your swimsuit fell down."

My penciled eyebrows raised. "Oh really?"

"Don't worry." She got up. "I give you permission to tell him anything embarrassing about me."

"Did she tell you about the dream she had when she was sick?

"No please, just something other than that!"

"You said anything." I smiled, as she groaned and sat down. "This was about a week ago, when she had a minor case of the flu. Well, the dream was, we were all back on Earth, we were all about in the fifth grade, and we went to an amusement park. The toilets were filled with vegetable soup. And one was filled with shit, and the king started eating it. I'm not going to call them by name, because a peasant doesn't deserve to hear their names. Anyway, then Nell went to use the bathroom, but her toilet was filled with liquid bubble gum. The teacher said there were too many people in the bathroom, so you had to do your business in milk glasses. The queen started knocking over televisions, and she started laughing weird. The teacher had to go through a random tank of water in a submarine, with band instruments. She got bitten by a shark, but lived. Nell here started running to keep up with me, even though I was walking. I was taking long strides, and she had to run really fast. We had sat down, and were watching the boys play grass basketball. She started waving at Ricky, her boyfriend, and he waved back awkwardly. Then he started flapping his arms around, and mouthing things like I love you. They then went to bins, where it looked like people were praying. Right then, I apparently showed up, and smacked her for not closing her eyes. She noticed that Ricky was on a platform, and started rolling him around. They sat down in front of me, and he got up and and walked away. He had a cup on his head, with the top of the cup cut off. He went and sat with the king and Cosmo-"

"And then," she said, cutting me off, "I woke up. You know something embarrassing about us both."

"It's a shame you're with someone, because Columbia wouldn't dare date me."

"That's not true. She'd sleep with anyone in a wink." Now, she winked, and I groaned. "Wait, you're not a girl, never mind."

"What?"

I had jumped up. "I'm not a lesbian! If anything, I'm pansexual!"

"Is that why you were with Frank?"

"Yes! That's what that means!"

"No, my dear," said Edward, "a pansexual is where you are attracted to someone for what they are, not what they look like. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or trans. You are attracted to them anyway."

"Ha!" I said to Nellie, and then turned around to Edward again. "Is there a reason why you came here in the first place?"

"Yes, I was wondering if you would join me for dinner to explain... What happened."

"No, no that would be no problem. When?"

"The sooner the better."

"Well, I'm free tonight."

"Excellent. At seven." With that being said, he left, waiting for seven. It's about six thirty now, so I will write later.

-Collie


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Diary,

Well, all I can say about the date is... It's the next day. I'm not going to give you word for word, like I usually do, because it was too long and some was... Dirty. Let's just say... He has something to explain to his wife. Yes, sadly, I slept with my dead lover's father. We had dinner, he got a couple drinks in me, which in retrospect, wasn't the best idea, we went to his place, he asked me more questions, and I broke out crying. And, as you can tell, when I get sad, I end up sleeping with someone. It's kind of sad. I think I'll start with the morning after. Let's just say something happened, and I now know someone new.

I woke up with a pain in my stomach. I looked to the pillow beside me, and found a note 'If you're reading this, you woke up, and I'm not in there. Just, come in the kitchen.' I walked in there, and he was fixing a rose in a glass.

"Oh! I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, it's just the baby can be so annoying and wake me up sometimes." As a result, it kicked. "You see!"

"Wow..." He put a tray of pancakes, eggs, orange juice, and a crystal glass with a rose in it in front of me. "I figured you had missed Earth food."

I was about halfway through my eggs, when a sharper pain went through my stomach. "Oww!"

"What's wrong?" Almost as an answer to his question, I felt a warm puddle of water from under me.

"Edward. I have to go now. Goodbye." I kissed him on the cheek, and went on my way. I got a cab, and made my way over to Nattie's. I burst through the door. "Na-Nation?"

"Yes?" She came out from dusting the bookcase.

"I think I'm in labor. I brought the bag, right?"

"Yes! Oh my god! Cosmo! Start the car, the baby's coming!" She ran into the guest room, which was pretty much my room, and came back five seconds later with my bag. "Cosmo! Get your ass out!" She was dragging me towards the car, and Cosmo ran out after us.

"Wait! Hold on."

"No! This baby won't wait, and I won't either." Cosmo got into the car, and we speed away, with Nattie practically bouncing.

"Nation... I love you, but can you not hold on until we get to the hospital?"

"No! Just think about it! A little baby! Our little Scarlet!"

"And when did we decide on that name?"

"I watched this movie, and there was someone named Mrs. Scarlet, and because Nattie is letting me choose the name, I choose Scarlet," I said in a-matter-of-fact type way.

We made our way to the transducer rooms, because the nearest hospital was on the other side of the planet. "Hello Miss Columbia, the queen called, we have a private room for you. This way." I was led into the main building, and put in a waiting room. "In about ten minutes, a nurse will come and get you. Can you wait that long?"

"Yeah. My water only broke about fifteen minutes ago."

"Good." She walked away, and Nattie sat down and started bouncing again.

"Columbia! How are you?" Genta ran in.

"Tired. Bitchy. Still pregnant."

"Well, I'm sure Pat and Ciffa will love having a cousin."

"We're not siblings, Magenta. And if you were referring to Columbia, she's more like your girlfriend, so, in theory, they would be sisters."

"Way to ruin the moment Cosmo." Nation leaned down and kissed him, I'm sure she felt bad about saying that to him.

"Where's Nell and Riff?"

"Nell went and got the bag from your house, and Riffy said to call him when the baby is out, to make sure that you're not dead."

I laughed, and apparently, Scarlet didn't like that, because she kicked me. "Oww! I'm sorry! I forgot!" They all looked at me weird. "She doesn't really like it when I laugh, and I know she just wants to get out."

"Can I try?" I gestured to my stomach. "Hello, Scarlet. It seems to be a thing to be named after a color here, so we named you Scarlet. I hope you like it. The annoying girl will be screaming, and I will most likely be crying, but that's normal. This means a lot to me, that you are coming to this planet for me. The screaming girl will come over regularly, and the girl with the funny accent will bring you some friends. It will get better, I know you're cramped up now, but we'll take you to new planets, new galaxies even. I just ho-"

"Columbia Campbell? Your room is ready." She looked at us. "Is this the other mother?"

"No, I'm her surrogate. Can she come in with me?"

"Sure. Come on." She wheeled me away, and Nattie mouthed something to Magenta and Cosmo, and they laughed under their breath.

As we walked away, I whispered to Nattie. "What did you say to them?"

"Nothing." She smiled and walked on, chatting with the nurse.

We got to my room, and I got into a gown, and lied down on the bed.

"Isn't Cosmo coming?"

"He's waiting for Nell, he doesn't want Genta to run away. She's as scared you won't make it as Riff Raff is. They both really care about you."

"I know. They really do. Riff goes on and on sometimes about how they wouldn't be here without me, Genta might of committed suicide, Riff would of if I weren't there to console him, if they were alive, they would of been killed, anyway, because of their relationship."

"That's really sweet. How much one person can change someone's life. Like you're doing to ours."

"Thanks, Nation. I appreciate that."

-Columbia, who will continue in my other diary, because I finally filled this one up.

A/N I'm posting today! Yes... Yeah. Tomorrow's the last day for this story, Thursday for Backstories! Wow... This sucks. And I have to edit... Fuck. I don't want to edit.

I'm on a bus. I don't like this bus. This fucking bus... It's so packed. And then my seat mate is playing the Ferrit Song. Kill me. Well, kill me after my stories are up.

I wrote this on the last chapter, at like three in the morning. It was the opening Olympics ceremony night. So here's the last author's note that I took and put it here!

Okay. In all seriousness, I'll miss this! My next fic is... I think it's Magenta's POV. What I said in chapter... I think it was twenty one... That was all true. And you've seen a good half of it. But don't worry. There is a LOT more. Trust me. I won't be posting the next story until the end of the month. Or whenever I get the editing done. But, this will be on a strict diet. A post on Tuesday, and a post on Thursday. So... Two posts a week, twenty five chapters... It's 3:28 in the morning, I don't feel like doing math...

Spoilers, I heard no one say? Okay then! I'll even be nice enough to give you a full one, and two that need to be in context for you to figure out.

The full one first.

Abba, more specifically, Fernando, plays a BIG part of Sophie's (A character I will introduce tomorrow,) growing up, sang many times in Revenge of The Dead Queen.(My next one.) And it's even... I think I can trust you guys. It's even played at her... Wedding. Yep, the half Asexual little pudgy girl gets married! To whom and when, I'm not going to say. You'll just have to stay tuned.

Then the other two.

Columbia has a secret. And it very well could get her killed...

By Magenta.

Can she keep it long enough, or will some accident expose it all?

Janet's secret, on the other hand, can either bring Magenta cheer on possibly the worst day of her life, or will Janet's secret wreck it? Columbia whines in the corner when the attention isn't on her- BUT THIS IS JUST TO FAR!

*I just want to say that I love you all! I'll miss you while I'm editing! To tell you my secret... I was sure nobody had read it. Positive. Even more when someone, who I later figured out was one of my friends I had called while having the panic attack, posted it on the CAST LIST. That was horrible. I waited about three chapters, and I posted my Comso and Nation backstory. After a few hours, I got the best e-mail of my life. Akane Kuran favorited my story. Causing another panic attack, but this time, in a good way. After I calmed down, I texted my friend.

"Who's that?" I looked at my phone. I felt like crushing it with a hammer.

Then, I don't know if it's always been there, I just noticed it a few weeks ago. (I'm typing from the past! July, even.) And I stalked my views. Right now, Diary of a Groupie has 601 views. The backstory has 100. I'm smiling. I think I'm the only one of my friends who watched the opening ceremony. I loved Paul. Beautiful song. Well, this is always the hardest part for me. If you look at the author's note of any of my multi chapterd fics, I ramble. I get to attached to it, and I won't let it go that easily, lol.

I'm not sure if it was lack of sleep, or just my fingers speaking for themselves... I'm going to leave it. That doesn't mean I'll EVER do it again. I LOVE YOU!


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Diary,

Well, for Christmas, Riff gave me a new diary, and I ran out of room in the old one, so I have this one. Where did I leave off...

"Thank you, Nation. That means a lot."

"It does mean a lot, but not to you. You are giving me life, which is more than I could ever ask for."

"Thank you."

"It seems all you can say is thank you, huh?" She smiled at me.

"Oh!" I think I had a contraction. "That wasn't so bad."

"They will get worse. Trust me."

"And how do you know?"

We were both laughing by now. "I don't know."

Cosmo came into the room. "Nell's here, so Genta won't run away. How are you, Columbia?"

"Hurting, hairy." Nattie patted my stomach.

"Well, I'm bald and happy."

"Good for you." I looked to Nattie. "I'm hungry."

"Transylvanian pregnancies are different still. You can't eat at all, or drink. Not ice chips, like on Earth either."

"What? I'm starving! I got halfway through breakfast, and let me tell you, she does not like Earth food."

"Good to know."

"I think Genta wanted to see her."

"Oh! Well could you bring her i-"

"Alone. She wants to see her alone."

"Oh. Okay." She walked out, like she just had a blow to the face.

Genta walked in after about a minute. "Oh my baby! Come here." I laughed, because she tried to sound like Frank, as she hugged my top half. "You look so helpless..."

"I'm not going to die, like Riff and you think. Scarlet won't either, we will all be healthy and happy."

"We thought I was healthy."

"You lost all your blood when one of them kicked."

"I know, but yo-"

"No, I won't! I'm healthy, Scarlet's healthy, she has finished growing, she will be born to this world as a perfect little girl, okay!" I was crying now.

"I'm so sorry, it's just... I don't want to lose my wife."

"What?"

"About that... Riffy and my marriage isn't legal, Coco. I'm still married to you." She played with her wedding ring.

"What!" I felt another sharp pain. "Ow! My god!"

A nurse heard me, and ran in. She checked me, and she gasped. "You just dilated about four centimeters in about five minutes... What happened?"

"I... Tricked her. I'm sorry, I just know she wants to get over with this..."

"Okay... Just... Don't do it again."

"Yes ma'am." She smiled as the nurse walked away. "So it did work."

"Yes, it did. Why would you do that?"

"Simple. To see if it would work. And, now I've pulled two over on you, and one over on Riffy. It almost makes up for me thinking you were dead."

"I thought you were in a coma!"

"True..."

"Yes true... And now I'm seven centimeters..." I glared at her trying to hide her smirk.

"I truly am sorry."

I imitated her accent. "I truly am soory."

"You're not very nice while you're in labor..."

I squeaked out a contraction, and took a deep breath. "Vour not very nice vhen zur ven lobor."

"Shut up!"

"Zhut up!"

"Nation!"

"Nation!"

"Yes?" Nattie walked in the room.

"Well, I scared Columbia, and she dilated four more centimeters, and now she's copying me."

"Vell, I scared Columbia, vand zhe di-"

"Columbia, be quiet. Magenta, if she's seven now, only Cosmo and I should be in here. So send Nellie."

Magenta growled, and stomped out. Nell walked in. "Hey, Magenta said I should go in and get out, so here's your bags," she laid them down beside Nattie, "and I just want to say I love you, and I hope you don't run to Mexico with little Scarlet." She smiled, and she was speaking like she didn't want to wake anyone, almost a whisper, like I've heard her sing before. She's always so quiet. Well, she talks a lot, but she's quiet when she speaks... What's the words... She speaks softly. "Well, I think that's all." She leaned over me and kissed my cheek. "I hope this life is fruitful." With that, she rubbed my stomach, smiled, and left the room.

"Everyone is getting so emotional."

"They should be. You are doing the greatest thing possible for a person, giving them life."

"Again with that. You say thank you, or giving life one more time, I will hit you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's just thank you for giving me life. I know." I was imitating her accent now.

"Columbia, please stop. It's just we won't give you drugs, and you are in pain. Let's just get the nurse in here. Ansalong? Please attend to the patient." She grinned down at me. I knew those words.

Nell came in, in her Dentonvale nurse dress. "Oh that was real short because all the other monkeys-"

"I'm sure Columbia would like to know what's going on." Nation glared at her playfully.

"Right. Well, while you were gone, and I was not with Ricky, I've been taking lessons from this hospital on birthing, and being a good midwife, so I could be yours."

"That's so sweet."

"Yes. Let's check you..." She checked, and popped up as quick as the other nurse did. "You're about eight, that's one thing I've been told about pregnancies from this galaxy, labor is quicker too."

"One thing to look forward to."

Nellie chuckled. "And getting her out. You should be happy about that."

"I don't know... I kind of like her."

"You're not going to take her, right?"

"Of course not, Cosmo." I laughed.

"You talk about it enough."

"Cosmo!" I groaned, and Nellie looked down again.

"Never mind... She's ten. Ready for delivery."

"Really?" Nattie looked up at Nellie. "Can I see?" Nellie nodded, and Nattie got up slowly. Her face went white. "Is it supposed to look like that?" I laughed, and the baby pretty much shoved her way out.

"Okay! Let's go, the baby is coming sooner than most do! Hurry hurry! Nattie, Mac, go get your hair nets and gown shit on, I'll get the real doctor." They ran out, and came back in about two minutes later with a new doctor.

"I'm doctor Stephens, and I will be helping you with this time. On Earth, I suppose we would coach and help you, but here, we let nature take it's course. You start to push when you need to push, we don't give you drugs. Did you want water, or on the bed, or what?" He smiled.

"You're kidding right?"

"No." He laughed. "One hundred percent natural." He laughed again, as I groaned. "On the bed or in water, Miss Campbell?"

"Nattie?"

"On the bed will be fine."

And then, we waited. And waited. And waited. Until I just.. Needed to push. She was tired of it. She wanted out. The doctor and Nell came in, and they just observed, make sure I didn't die or anything, and as soon as she came out, they placed her in Nattie's arms. And that was the first view I had of their daughter, who I spent five long months carrying, in her parent's arms. Nattie was crying like a baby, and even though I was still in pain, I was crying from smiling so much.

-Collie, who is now baby-less. But happy. No I'm not. I want one for myself now. Except... Not so much pain.


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Diary,

When I got home from the hospital, well, first, I went to Nattie's and Cosmo's, to get my stuff where I had temporarily moved in. We got in, and Genta, Riff, Nell, Janet, Sonny, and Edward were in there.

"You could've told me you went into labor." He said, as he hugged me. His were the first arms to find me.

"She's so pretty. You did good." I laughed as Sonny held her.

"I just wish mine would come out soon." Janet looked amused as I told her Earthling food might work. "I'll try that." She smiled, and I hugged her again.

"I hope I did a good job." I assured Nell that she did, and she smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're not dead." I laughed as Riff hugged me.

"I second what Riffy said, but on a more emotional level. I also want to disclose to both of you that I am married to you, Riffy, not Columbia." She smiled, and led her party to Nattie and Cosmo, which a large group was forming around.

I made my way over there, where Nattie was still smiling and crying like an idiot. "So, Nation, how are you?"

She looked at me, and smiled brighter. "Fantastic. Do you want to hold her? You didn't even look at her much in the hospital."

"No. I'm afraid if I hold her, I'll fall in love with her."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I smiled.

Later, we were at the pub, now that everyone can drink. Cosmo stayed home, he never was one for drinking. "So, what are you going to spend the money on?"

I looked over at Edward. "What?"

"Oh come on, that Nation girl told me she gave you a check for Christmas, what are you going to spend it on?"

"I was hoping to give about twenty thousand to a charity for surrogates, and keep about five thousand for myself. Buy groceries, pay rent."

"Twenty five thousand?"

"Yes... It was for the pain and suffering... And I'm getting another check soon from the agency I signed up with. Babies are pretty pricey."

"Well are you going to have more?"

I was getting defensive now. "If I want to."

"Why would you want to? To carry a baby and then give them up?"

"If it is to make anyone as happy as Nation was, of course!"

"Give it up though, and you probably won't even get to see it, like you will Scarlet."

"I don't care! Just the joy on the couple's face, to see the little baby! But, whatever, I just can't believe you are saying this to me, this is the first time you've seen me in a week and you argue with me!"

"I'm a violent drunk, I'm sorry."

And he is. I went home with him, a few days after, and he just kept on hitting me. I dealt with it, because Frank had hit me sometimes, but when he passed out, I ran for the castle. I made it to the guards, and they knew my face. "Magenta!" I ran up and hugged her, and surely she must of noticed the gash above my eye, and the purple bruise that had surely formed by then on my cheek.

"Columbia..."

"No, just... Listen." I led her to the sofa in front of the fireplace. "He kept on hitting me. I was used to Frank, so I just stood with it until he got bored and passed out. I- I don't think I can stay here." She looked at the blood trickle into already-red hairline, and she wiped away with her finger.

"Neither do I. But where will you go?"

"I don't know. To another planet. Back to Earth, maybe?"

"That's so far away."

"It's a twenty minute walk from the castle to a transducer room. And, don't you have one here?"

"Yes, we do. But that's not the point. How will you get used to the sun again?"

"I'll manage. Or I'll go to Alaska. They have eternal night there, don't they?"

"Not like here, and it's cold."

"I have an idea. I will go to the transducer here, and type in some random place." I smiled at her.

"That might not-"

"It will. Just believe in me, I can make it on my own. Okay?"

"Okay. I'll bring you your clothes in about two hours. Let me get them together."

"Okay. Bye." I hugged her. "I love you."

"Love you too. See you in a little while." I heard the little yelp, and her sniffle as I turned away, it was obvious she had picked up Stiletto.

"See you." I walked into the castle's transducer room, and hitched my bag higher up my arm. I put in the settings. "What should I put?" I asked myself, and chuckled a little. "Eight..." I put the number eight in, I had no idea what I was going to put. "One, one, three, nine, one, one, two, zero, one, five, nine." That was the castles video number... It has two or three more digits from a real phone number. I felt the tingly sensation, and I knew I was going.

I landed in a motel, and I knew I was on Earth, because there was sun peeking through a window. I snuck out the closed door, and into the hall. I walked out, and the attendant didn't even take notice when I walked by her, toward the doors. But I stopped, and turned around. She looked up. "Did you need anything, Miss Columbia?" I almost forgot everyone would know my name. "A bandage maybe?"

"Yes, that would be nice. Where are we?"

"Hamilton, New Zealand." She reached around and pulled a first aid kit from her desk

"Oh, okay. I need a room."

"The room you want, with the transducer, is available. Here's the key." She walked over to the key rack, and tossed me the room key and the bandage. "Free, for the co-queen. How are Queen Magenta and King Riff Raff?"

"Fine, thank you." I smiled at her, and she walked away. I got up to the room I came from, and I sat down on the bed. I took my diary out of my bed, but remembered the gash on my head. I walked to the bathroom, and got a towelette. I wet it, and dabbed my head. I put the bandage on it, and went back to my bed. I wrote down all of this in my diary. The sun is starting to set, which made me wonder about the time difference between Transexual and Earth.

-Collie, who already misses Nattie, Nellie, Ciffa, Pat, Riff, Scarlet, and most of all, Genta.


	35. Chapter 35

Dear Diary,

It was black at night when I was woken up by a tingling, and I knew Genta had come. "Hey beautiful." I smiled, even though I couldn't see her.

"If you want to get with me, in case you forgot, I'm married."

I laughed. "That never would of stopped the old Genta."

"Well, the new Genta has two kids, a husband, and a planet to take care of." She looked around. "Where are we?"

I groaned. "New Zealand."

"Never heard of it."

"Well, you've only lived in Denton, and never left it."

"I never needed to, when I knew that Frank would take hold of me when I was sixteen."

"I'm sorry. Did you bring my stuff?"

"Yeah, and some notes from Nellie, Nattie, and Cosmo, and a copy of Scarlet's birth certificate."

"Wow. I must mean a lot to them."

"You do. But, apparently, not to me. I have to get back to the castle, they just wanted me to bring you these. Love you."

"How much?"

"All the way to Transexual and back."

"That's a lot."

"I know." I giggled sleepily.

"I love you too. Bye."

"Bye." She walked over and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep to the tingling. I woke up to a knock on my door. "Hello?" It was still dark, what did they want?

"Hello! Miss Columbia Campbell?"

I managed to say "yes" while yawning.

"Well, in honor of the people of New Zealand, we would like to give you this person." A child in a maid's uniform stepped up. "We had a little problem working this out with the government on Transexual, so if anyone asks, she's your foster daughter. What would you like to name her?" I raised my eyebrows, and looked at her.

"Well, what's your name?" She couldn't be more than six.

"So-Sophie. It will be an honor to work for you."

"Thank you! Come on Sophie!" I all but yanked her in, and slammed the door. "You don't have to be nervous around me. I won't hurt you."

"I'm sorry. What do you need done?"

"So they just give children away now?"

"No. I am half Asexual. My mother was raped by an Earthling, and she chose to give me to the government. They did the required tests, and kept me. This was about five years ago, but then, only government people knew about you guys. So when Transexual took over Earth, I was released back into the hands of the smaller government. They sent me here. But, I am here to serve, not to talk. What do you need done?"

"I don't need anything done. Why did they just give you to me?"

"They said they wanted someone who could take care of me properly. In case I needed special care or something."

"Okay... Excuse me, I have to empty." I left with the breast pump that Genta brought me. I went into the bathroom, and set the toilet lid down, and started it up.

When I came out of the bathroom, and I gasped. She had straightened up the room, and was remaking the other bed. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just don't like the way the hotel maids do it."

"How did you clean so fast?"

"Oh, that's my tick. Cleaning."

"Oh, okay." Genta and Riff tried to explain the ticks that most in their galaxy had. Genta's was animals, but Riff didn't have one. Sophie's apparently was cleaning. Just weird things they're good with.

"What's your's?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was born on Earth."

"What?"

"I'm a full blooded Earthling, who is close to the king and queen."

"Oh... Okay. Then why am I here with you?" I shrugged.

"I was a surrogate mother to a Tranny."

"That may be it."

We were startled by the tingling feeling, and the sound of bags clunking. "I think the real queen is here."

"Columbia!" Genta burst through, carrying a small luggage bag. "Oh, hello. Who are you?"

"They gave her to me. What did you need?"

"Riffy tried to kill me. The whole planet of Transexual thinks I'm dead."

-Collie

A/N Don't you just love it when fics end like that? Backstories is going up Thurday! It's sweet. And now you know who Sophie is.


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